Five Years
by hannahmc15
Summary: this is a story about an affair that was bound to happen, and the chaos that ensues for the lives involved. Sometimes, being an adult is harder than it looks.
1. Chapter 1

_How did it end up like this?_ He though, staring up at the cloudy night sky through his glass ceiling, the warmth from the women who had slept next to him all night quickly dispersed into the air as she hurried around the room collecting her strewn garments. He turned to face her, watching her pull her blue jeans up over her hips with her back to him. He smiled and considered reaching out to her and bringing her back to his bed where they could sleep peacefully until the sun woke them, but the urge quickly left. He felt weird, lying in bed naked while she was slowly becoming fully clothed. He grabbed a pair of pajama pants from the foot of his bed and pulled them on under his covers.

"Well," she said, turning around and facing him. She smiled slightly and exhaled heavily, putting her hands on her pockets, checking that she had everything she came in with. "I guess I'll see you in class then?"

Arnold sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. _Should I say something? Should I get up?_ He settled on swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, planting his feet solidly to the ground. "Yeah, yeah I guess I'll see you in the morning."

She nodded and smiled again and headed for the ladder in the wall that lead to his rooftop. She was half way up when he thought of something. "Hey, you sure you don't want a ride or something? I mean…I could take you back to your apartment if you wanted…you don't have to walk every time…"

"Oh," she said, stopping with her hand already pushing the panel of glass up, prepared to leave. "Um… no, that's okay, I'm sure I'll be fine. Besides, I would hate for you to get caught at my place."

Arnold nodded, and they said their final goodbyes, and then she was gone. Again.

It started the summer after their freshman year of college. Actually, if he was being honest, it probably started back when they were just children, but he hated to think about that. It was just more pain that he didn't need. He had been dating Lila since their last year of high school and they all went to the local community college together, and she had actually gotten married. She was nineteen years old, and she eloped with their assistant professor of all people. I mean, they all saw it coming. Arnold and Gerald had had many conversations about how weird it was that she was always with Mr. Jason Bane, the creative writing professor. They'd see her coming out of the office, both of them smiling and laughing. They'd be in line together, getting lunch. She'd be the first one in the lecture hall and the last to leave. It was obvious something was up, so it was no surprise when he suddenly quit his job and two weeks later she showed up to class with a ring on her finger. It was not shocking, and yet Arnold still found it strange and a little upsetting.

But then, not even a year later, she had shown up on his roof like she did way back when they were in high school and tapped on his window. Luckily, Lila hadn't been over, or maybe she already knew that, but Arnold instantly got up and let her in. She stood in his room, soaking wet from the rain with the all too familiar bruises on her arms and a black eye blossoming on her face. It was just like when they were younger, she said nothing to him about what happened and he didn't question it. He hugged her like he used to, and she hugged him back like she used to, but this time it was different. She held on tighter and buried her face into his shoulder. Rainwater from her long blonde hair fell onto his clothes, and it wasn't until she let go that he realized tears were streaming down her face.

"I thought I had escaped that," she said quietly, her voice shaking. "I thought my life would be better."

"I know," Arnold said, hugging her again, his heart breaking for her. Seeing her cry was painful, too painful. "I know, and I'm so sorry I never helped you when we were younger. I'm so sorry."

She let go quickly and looked him in the eye. When she saw tears in his eyes as well, tears for her, she reached up and gently took his face in her hands and kissed him. Against his better judgment, he kissed her back. It was on that night, that first night that she came into his bed, that Arnold and Helga started their affair that would last the next five years.


	2. Chapter 2

_-H-_

She arrived in front of her apartment building as the sun was rising. She had stopped at the coffee shop on the way back, one of her many cover-ups she would tell her husband. The paper cup warmed her cold hands, steam curling from the tiny hole in the lid, filling her nose with the sweet smell of peppermint, a comfort in the late November chill. She stepped inside the building, quickly shutting the door quietly behind her to keep the cold from getting in. She walked up two flights of stairs to her small apartment, quietly putting the key into the door, hoping her husband would still be fast asleep.

Tension filled her body as she entered, but the lights were out and she didn't see anything in the small living room. She let out a sigh of relief, he hadn't noticed. She walked over and sat on the window seat and turned on the floor lamp, pulling the small lap table onto her knees and opened her laptop. This is where she liked to be in the mornings, where she could watch the sun rise through the window. It inspired her to write; it allowed her to escape the truth of her own life and immerse herself into her fantasy world.

Anyone who looked at her life would think she had it pretty well. She had become an author, not a well-known one, but one none the less. She spent her days writing books, mostly novels and poetry. She had a few of her best works published and stocked on the shelves of the tiny bookshop she owned down on the corner of 9th and Brood where business was good. She loved writing stories, she loved creating poems, and she completely loved passing the gift of literature to those who came into her shop. She even had a beautiful husband; he was tall and fit with shaggy brown hair and beautiful hazel eyes. He was a literary giant, once a professor at the local college but now an editor for a major editing company.

Even their story was one that people envied. A young college student, a freshman in a senior-level writing class, who dazzled her assistant professor Jason Bane with her words before he even knew her name. The more he read, the more he loved her. Eventually, he left his job for her and married his young student, even though he was ten years her senior. They lived together in a quaint apartment in the heart of the city, just a stone's throw away from the best coffee shops, the hippest jazz clubs and independent movie theatres, and the most cutting-edge clothing shops. They were ideal, they were perfect, and they were what everybody strived for.

But as she sat there on her perfect little window seat, it was not her perfect husband she wrote about. It was not her seemingly perfect life she wrote about. She wrote about her biggest dream, her biggest secret. She wrote about what she always wrote about: Arnold. Her latest novel, currently untitled, was secretly about the life she wishes she had, and had always wanted. She wrote about a young girl who married her lifelong sweetheart. They traveled the world together drinking coffee in Paris, roses, sailboats, the whole nine yards. They were perfectly and happily in love, and it would never happen for her, because she was married, and he was in love with Lila Sawyer.

In the middle of her musings, she heard rustling in the bedroom and saw the light flicker on under the doorway. She quickly minimized the window, opening up a news website and started surfing the latest stories. Her husband emerged and when he saw her, smiled. He walked over to her and looked down at the screen, reading the weather report over her shoulder.

"Hm," Jason said gruffly. "Looks like it's going to be another cold one huh?"

"Yeah," she said, sighing. "I wish the weather would make up its mind. If it's going to be this cold, it might as well snow you know? Give us something new and beautiful to look at. I'm sick of seeing these skeletal trees."

"Always the writer, Helga," he said, laughing. He leaned over and kissed her on the side of her head roughly. _What kind of a kiss was that?_ She thought, looking at him as he walked towards the kitchen to get himself breakfast. It inspired her to write a poem about kisses, the difference between a loving kiss and those she received; the kisses her husband gives are empty of love.

"So," he called from the kitchen, banging cupboards and clattering dishes. He came back, bowl of cereal in hand. "What are you working on now? Another love story?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that," she said, looking out the window. She knew where this was going, because it happened every morning of every day of her life.

"See, this is why you'll never get past where you are, Helga," he said, sitting down on the couch and plugging his ipod into the dock next to it. He turned on some music and pulled out a sketch pad. For some reason, he liked to draw in the morning. "You can't get your head out of the clouds and write about something people want to hear. No one cares about you silly romance books."

He had to realize how much his words hurt. He wasn't her professor anymore; he didn't have to criticize her work in that way. He didn't even criticize her work like that when she _was_ his student. So why did he have to put her down all the time now anyways?

"I'll keep that in mind," she mumbled under her breathe, angry. She glared at her computer screen, her morning ruined by his snide comments. She heard him snicker at her, and looked up to see him looking at her with a stupid smile on his face.

"Oh, what, are you mad at me now?" He said, laughing as he spoke. "It's just like you to get angry. I'm just trying to help you be a better writer, Helga, that's all. You don't know everything after all."

"Got it," she said, closing her computer. She stood up and headed towards the bedroom, wanting to take a shower before leaving for work. On her way past the coffee table, she bumped it. By accident of course, but before she could even utter out an apology, Jason was on his feet.

"For fucks sake, Helga!" He yelled, as the milk from his upset cereal bowl spilled over the edge of the table and onto the carpet. "Are you kidding me?"

"I'm sorry," she said, picking up the bowl. "I didn't mean to, I'll get a towel." She made her way to the kitchen and quickly grabbed the roll of paper towels and brought them back to Jason. She handed them to him, but instead of taking them from him, he grabbed her by the wrist and forced her roughly to the ground.

"Clean it up," He instructed, his hands tight like a vice on her wrists. He let go of her and pushed past her as he took his bowl to the kitchen, knocking her even farther onto the ground. He dropped the bowl into the sink, where it clattered into the other dishes, and Helga heard at least one of them break, before heading through their bedroom to their master bathroom, and proceeded to get into the shower.

As she cleaned up the mess and the broken glass in the kitchen, she thought of Arnold at his grandparents old boarding house, living in the same room he always had, and wondered what her life would be like if she was there with him now. As she cleaned, she cried for the life she would never have. _If only people knew what a typical morning in the Bane household was like._


	3. Chapter 3

_-A-_

_"Way to go football head," Helga said, shoving him with her baseball mitt. "We lost the game because of you, I hope you know."_

_"Cut it out, Helga," he said, rubbing his arm. It hadn't been his fault they lost, they were behind the entire game, and he wasn't the only one who struck out or got out on base. "It's only a game, and for crying out loud its only gym class!"_

_"I suppose," she said, smirking at him. "But still, it's fun to see you get angry." She laughed and walked ahead of him. Arnold knew she was kidding, but still, she could really be annoying. She had calmed down, leaving him alone for most of the day, and he didn't hate her as much as he used to. She was, after all, more than likely a good person deep down. He always thought she was, and as the years went on, she showed it more and more._

_The class headed back to the school, throwing their gloves into the black bin sitting on the edge of the field as they went. Prom was coming up, so no one had been very interested in gym class, or anything else for that matter. Girls walked together in packs, making plans for limos and talking about their dresses, dates, the works. Gerald caught up with Arnold in the hall and they walked together to creative writing, Helga storming ahead of them._

_"Man Arnold," Gerald said, shaking his head and folding his arms. "That Helga Pataki is one pain in the ass right?" _

_"She's really not that bad," Arnold said, shrugging. "I think she means well…"_

_"Well, if that's Helga meaning well, I'd hate to see her when she's really pissed."_

_That made Arnold laugh, and he was in a considerably better mood by the time class started. That is, until he saw Lila sitting at her seat, talking happily to Rhonda. In an instant his stomach was in his throat, his heart racing. Gerald slapped him on the shoulder. "Come on man, you've got to ask her some time."_

_Arnold nodded and headed towards her. "Hey…Lila? Can I ask you something?"_

_"Well sure Arnold," she said, smiling at him. Her smile was so pretty. "What's on your mind?"_

_"Uh…" Arnold said, scratching the back of his head, blushing already. "I dunno…you know… if you already have a date or something…but would you, um…would you—"_

_"Arnold, are you trying to ask me to prom?" Lila said, smiling and clapping her hands together. Arnold nodded and she jumped up, squealing and hugging him around the neck. "Oh of course I'll go with you Arnold! It's going to be ever so much fun! I can't wait!"_

_Arnold sat down next to Gerald and they did their secret handshake, Gerald slapping him on the back as congratulation. Nothing could have ruined this day for him. Nothing at all. That's why what happened that night completely blew him out of the water._

_"G'night, you guys, see you in the morning," Arnold called to his grandparents, heading up to bed. He and Gerald had spent the evening doing homework and talking about how awesome prom would be, especially since Phoebe agreed to go with Gerald. He lay on his bed for a couple of minutes, feeling on top of the world, when he heard a knock on his glass ceiling. _

_He sat up and looked towards the sky, looking for what could have possibly made that noise. When it happened again, he saw a small pebble rolling off the glass panel; clearly, someone was on his roof who wanted to talk to him. Excited, he got out of bed and headed up his ladder, pushing the panel up and looking out into the night. He saw the shadow of someone sitting over by his grandmothers grand piano, a small figure holding their knees and facing the night sky_

_"Lila?" He said, walking out onto the roof. _

_There was a little laugh, then someone quietly said "No such luck, football head."_

_Arnold stopped in his tracks. Helga? What was she doing here? He saw her stand up and walk towards him. "What do you want, Helga? And how did you get up here?"_

_"Please, it's easy to climb fire escapes," she said with a laugh. She hadn't insulted him (at least not too bad) and she wasn't yelling at him…so Arnold let down his guard. She stood next to him and he noticed that she had a large sweatshirt on, the hood up over her head. "Can we go inside?"_

_He noticed something about her voice…she sounded…sad. He nodded and led the way back to his room. She went down first and he followed. When they were inside, he grabbed his remote and clicked some buttons, his couch came flipping out of the wall and the lights came on dim. He sat down and turned to her._

_"So what's up?" He asked. She sat next to him, but kept her face down. Her hair was longer now, and it fell in wavy blonde sheets around her face, her bangs covering her face. He waited for a moment as she talked aimlessly about nothing…the creative writing assignment, how he did on the last math test… eventually she looked up at him and took her hood down, and what he saw shocked him._

_She had bruises along her hair line, as if someone had hit her in the head. The dark circle of black eye bruises were forming quickly under her eyes and along the bridge of her nose. She was a pretty teenager, very pretty, even Arnold had to admit it, so it was shocking to see such a contrast between her big, bright blue eyes and the dark bruises on her face. She no longer had a uni-brow like she had when she was younger. Usually her lips were constantly upturned in a smirk, but now she was frowning and her bottom lip was split. _

_"Helga, what happened?!" Arnold said, putting his hand on her face. She pulled back, wincing. "Who did this to you?"_

_"Don't…" she said, backing away and putting her hands up. "Don't, please Arnold. I'm only going to say this once, so just…please listen and try to understand okay?"_

_"Okay, Helga," he said, putting his hands down at his side. He waited patiently as she worked up the courage to say what she needed to._

_"I just…I need someone to talk to, when things aren't good," she said, wringing her hands, which consequently pushed up her sleeves, revealing hand-shaped bruises on her wrists. "Things aren't good right now.. at home, with my parents I mean… and I just needed somewhere to go…and I figured I could come here. Is that okay? Can I come here?"_

_"Of course Helga," he said, nodding. "You can come here whenever you need to. You can trust me."_

_She smiled quickly, before wincing and putting her hand up to her lip. Arnold jumped to his feet. "Here, let me get you something for that."_

_He headed down the stairs and to the bathroom, grabbing one of the many first aid kits his grandfather had stocked up on for him and the rest of the boarders to use. On his way back, he ran into Ernie. _

_"Hey Arnold, what gives?" He said, looking at the package in his hands. "You alright man?"_

_He thought for a moment about telling Ernie what happened, about asking him to go get his grandparents so they could do something about it for him. He thought about it, but then he just replied that he was okay, just had a small cut is all, and ran back to his room. He closed his door and locked it before kneeling down in front of Helga and helped her take care of her cuts and bruises._

_"Tell me something, Arnold," Helga said suddenly, quietly._

_"Like what?" he asked._

_"Anything," she said, touching his hand that was on her face. He looked up and saw her looking back at him, her gaze intense. "Anything, just make me forget this, okay?"_

_He sat there, talking endlessly about anything that came to his mind, mainly stories about all the boarders that he could remember. Soon she was fixed up, smiling and listening to him talk, laughing quietly at his stories. As he talked, he gathered a pillow and a blanket, and gave them to her. He continued to talk as he handed her a t-shirt and shorts and took her sweatshirt from her, and talked through the shock of seeing the bruises traveling up and down her arms. He talked as he turned away so she could change into them. He talked as she lay down on his couch, curled under the blanket and eyes half lidded and full of sleep. He talked as he himself got into his own bed. He talked until he couldn't talk any more. He talked until they were both asleep, safe in his room. He hoped that, for at least a moment, he had talked enough to take Helga out of her normal world and made her feel safe. _

"Arnold…hey, Arnold!"

"Huh?" Arnold said, snapping out of his dream. It was a bad dream…he thought… it was about when Helga first started coming to his room, a tradition that carried on to this day. They had been sixteen…she was beautiful, wasn't she? She was hurt, but for some reason as his dream slipped away, he couldn't remember he injuries as well as he could remember how blue her eyes were, or how she laughed when she heard his stories. It was a bad night…but it was something he would never forget.

"Arnold, you fell asleep on the couch again," Lila said, sitting next to him and petting his hair back, kissing his forehead.

"Oh, sorry Lila," he said, sitting up and rubbing his stiff neck. _You'd think at 24 years old, I'd still be able to sleep on a couch without aches and pains_.He thought this as he looked at his beautiful fiancé, Lila Sawyer. She smiled back and stood up.

"Well, dinner is ready! I made something I think you'll really like," she said, hurrying to the dining room. He followed and saw that she had set the table especially nice with candles and everything. On his plate was a beautiful presentation of freshly steamed vegetables and fried chicken.

"Looks good babe," he said sitting down. She really did make the best fried chicken he'd ever had, and he loved when she made it. "So how was your day?"

She talked about her job at the hospital as a neonatal nurse. She loved seeing all the happy parents with their newborns and talked about a particularly beautiful baby girl that left the hospital today. Arnold listened, but not closely. She was looking at him strangely, and he realized he had missed something important she'd said.

"I'm sorry sweetie," she said, putting his fork down and patting his face with his napkin. "What did you say? I zoned out for a second there."

"Oh, that's alright Arnold dear," she said, but it didn't really sound that okay to her. "I was just wondering…if…I could ask you something kind of serious."

"Um, yeah, sure, fire away," he said, knowing exactly what was coming. They had done this before, and it ended the same way every time.

"It's just," she began, folding her hands on the table. "We've been engaged since we were 22, and it's almost been three years…"

"Yeah," Arnold said, nodding sympathetically. "Yeah, I know, it's been a slow process."

"I just wish we were somewhat closer to getting married than we were when you first asked me to marry you, you know?" She said, looking at him sadly. "We don't even have a date set, or a venue, or a guest list, or anything. It's like we're still just boyfriend and girlfriend with no progress at all."

"I know," he said, putting his hand in his hair. This was already stressing him out. "It's just, you know how it is at home…"

Arnold hadn't always lived at the boarding house. In fact, for a while, he lived on his own in a chic apartment on the north side of town. He worked in a fine arts studio, teaching adult art classes and creating art to sell. He had really gotten into sculpting and had been told that he had real promise, even though he only sold a few items so far. Now, he ran the entire boarding house. His grandparents were still alive, but he noticed in the last few years that they were struggling to keep up with repairs and to pay the bills, so he offered to help them out. At first, he came over once a week to clean and help out with paper work ,but the commute was expensive and he couldn't keep up. The art institute was closer to the boarding house anyway, and even with two salaries coming in (one from the boarders rent and one from his teaching job) he couldn't pay the rent on his fancy apartment. In all honesty, he knew that would happen someday, if he had though it through more. But for now, he was back in his old room in his childhood building, supporting himself and his grandparents with the boarders rent and the money he made from teaching art classes.

He was busy most days, and rarely got to see Lila. It didn't help that he started making excuses not to see her at night… He would tell her that he was too tired to drive to her place, or he didn't want her to spend the night because he didn't want to wake the boarder up if, you know, anything should "go down" in his room. And of course she bought it, hook line and sinker. He lied to her most nights of the week and even some weekends. Because every night he wasn't with her, he was waiting for Helga to show up and keep him company.

He was brought back to reality at the table when Lila stood up and hugged him from behind. "Oh Arnold, of _course _I know how things are back at the boarding house, and I know you're under a lot of stress what with keeping up over there and also at the institute…and I hate to do this to you but… I'm giving you an ultimatum."

"A what?" he said, pushing her away and standing up. "What does that mean?"

"It means, well," she said, wringing her hands. "If we don't get something done by the end of the month, just one little thing… I'm going to call it off…"

Arnold looked at her for a moment, and he was actually angry. Why would she do this? He has been working his ass off, and she decides to add more stress to his life? He thought about telling her right then and there that it was off, that he was done with her. But as he looked at her, her auburn hair in sweet curls around her round freckled face, her brown eyes wide with sadness, he couldn't do it. He loved her, he really did. She was a good woman and he had loved her since they were high school sweethearts. He couldn't let her go, despite what he did almost every night.

He sighed and held his arms out, pulling her into a hug. "Okay, Lila, that sounds fair to me."

"Oh, I knew you'd understand," she said, hugging him back. She looked up at him and kissed him quickly on the cheek. Arnold thought about the difference between empty kisses and kisses that you got from someone who loved you.

"Hey," he said, looking at her. "I think I want to sculpt…want to head to the institute with me?"

She smiled and nodded and they threw on their coats and headed down the stairs. He granted her a favor that night and they made love in his studio, and yet he still felt terrible when they were done.


	4. Chapter 4

_-H-_

_ "Hey Arnold," She said as she came though his ceiling. Long past were the days that she threw pebbles at the glass, waiting for him to say it was alright for her to come in. Now she checked to make sure the coast was clear, then just walked right in. Sometimes he'd text her out of the blue, and ask her to come over so he could talk to her. Sometimes, he'd even pull her aside on campus and say to her desperately that he needed her to come over that night. It was in these moments that she felt completely blissful. She loved when he wanted her, needed her. _

_ It was one of those nights when he had asked her earnestly to come over; he needed to talk to her, and badly. It had been a sunny day, and the semester was almost over. They were going to be heading back home for the summer in the next few weeks, and she was excited. Sure, she loved being here at college with Arnold, but there was something about being at home with him. When they were back in the heart of the city, she felt like he paid more attention to her. She was right down the block, and he chose to hang out with her, unlike here at school where they were in daily contact from classes. At home, it was clear that he wanted to be around her, he made that choice for himself._

_So she made her way across town by subway and walked the four extra blocks to his house. She lived in the dorms while he stayed at home with his grandparents. They couldn't afford to pay for room and board at the school after all. _

_He had been sitting at his desk, doing some work, when she came in through the glass. He stood up quickly when she got in, closed his door, and locked it. "We need to talk, it's serious."_

_"What's wrong," she said, sitting on his couch. _

_"Are you into Mr. Bane?" He bluntly asked. It took her by surprise, and she hesitated before saying anything. He took that as an answer. "I knew it."_

_"Well, even if I was, what's it to you?" She asked angrily. "You've been dating Lila since we were in high school, remember? You've got no right to be jealous of him."_

_He stood there silently, a look of confusion on his face. "Who said I was jealous?"_

_She felt her heart stop. Half embarrassed and half crushed, she blushed and looked away. He took a step away from her and sat back on his desk. "Why would you think I'm jealous? I'm just concerned for what would happen to you…why do you think I'm jealous?"_

_"I don't," she said, scowling at him, but she couldn't think of anything else to say. _

_"Helga," he said, sighing. "You've been coming over here since we were sixteen years old. It's been almost three years… do you… do you want to tell me something?"_

_"Like what?" she said, trying to keep her voice steady. She had always wanted to tell him how she felt, ever since they were little, but something about it actually happening… him figuring it out and her admitting it…well, it was scary, and she was panicking. _

_"Like, I don't know," he scratched his head. She couldn't help but think about how much she loved his messy blonde hair. He wasn't a football head any more, he grew into his body, and he was superbly beautiful. "Why do you still come here all the time? Why haven't you confided in anyone else about your problems? Why did you choose me, my house, my room?"_

_"Because," she was struggling to think of an answer. "Because…because I trust you, I've always trusted you Arnold, ever since we were little. I've trusted you since we were in elementary school together, in Mr. Simmons class, all the way back to daycare. You're the most honest person I know, you've got a good heart, and I just trust you…that's all…"_

_Arnold looked at her for a minute, not saying anything. He was struggling with a response, she could tell. He turned away and sat down at his desk chair, turning on his computer and not looking at her as he talked._

_"Well, thanks Helga, I trust you too." Arnold replied. She was relieved that he couldn't catch on, that she had replaced 'love' with 'trust'. It was true, she trusted him with her life and everything that that implied, but she trusted him so much because she loved him so fully. "It's just, I'm worried about you, and I don't think you should be involved with Bane…"_

_"Well, thank you Arnold," she said, heading for the ladder. "I appreciate your concern, but…I do kind of have a thing for him… it's not a big thing, so I wouldn't worry about it… he's just a nice guy, we get along…nothing will happen between us, he's a professor after all."_

_And with that she headed out the window and made her way back to her dorm without a single look back. She was angry at herself, angry for not taking the opportunity and angry for being so afraid. But most of all, she was angry at herself for allowing the hot tears to spill down her face. She had wanted to much for him to love her, it was her biggest dream, and her most painful. Why couldn't he just love her the way she loved him? Why would he let her into his life? Why would he let her stay over so many nights? Or, better yet, why is it that she had only fallen even more in love with him since that fateful night her father beat her up so badly, while he seemed to be exactly the same?_

_She walked slowly across the quad, recalling the night's events. She thought about what Arnold said, about how he wasn't jealous that she had a crush on her professor… Maybe she ought to let Arnold go…he clearly didn't love her, or even like her for that matter. They were friends. Best friends, but friends none the less. Phoebe had left for Harvard in the fall, and she really didn't have anyone else to talk to… maybe that's why her love for him grew so much more this year… It was unhealthy, she decided, and she needed to get her mind off of him…_

_"Hey," a voice called out. She turned around to see Jason Bane walking towards her and couldn't help but laugh at the perfect timing. She quickly wiped the tears off her face as best as she could. In the darkness, he couldn't see how puffy her eyes were or the redness in her nose and cheeks. "So um, how's life?"_

_"Oh, it's…" she started, her voice wavering. She took a moment to think how exactly to answer that question. Did she trust him? Not like she trusted Arnold. "It's pretty good. And yourself?"_

_"It's good, yeah," he shoved his hands into his pockets and rolled back on his heels. He laughed, turned his face to the side, and scratched his head. He sure was fidgety, it was kind of cute. "Geeze, you know, I thought I'd be more comfortable doing this but now that I'm here, and you're here, it's proving to be a lot harder than I thought."_

_"What are you talking about?" Helga asked._

_"It's just that…" he stopped again, laughed, and mumbled something that sounded like 'okay here we go' under his breathe. "Helga, you…you're a great writer. And I've gotten to know you really well I feel like, through your writing and just talking to you in class and…and at lunch…and in my office…"_

_She knew what he was talking about at that point. There had been a time, just one time, when she was in his office and they were talking about a writing assignment they had had. She happened to say in class that she loved the author and had all of his works, and so Jason asked her back to his office so they could talk about it. She happily agreed and they had a beautiful conversation when he presented her with a book that she had never seen before by the same author. He had told her that it was rare, and that she could have his copy if she wanted. She had refused at first, saying that she couldn't possibly take it, it was his. So, instead, he opened up the front cover and wrote in his phone number, telling her she could just call him when she was done, and he'd take it back. She felt a little uncomfortable as he stared at her, eyes fixed on hers, trying to convey something deeper than just giving her a book. In response, she took the pen from him and, staring back at him with the same intensity, took his hand in hers and wrote her number on his palm. When she finished writing, she handed the pen back to him, but before she could drop his hand, he turned his own around and grabbed her fingers, bringing her hand up to his face. He kissed the back of her hand. They fumbled over an awkward goodbye, claiming class was about to start and there was a staff meeting to get to, and they parted ways. _

_"Yeah I feel like I've gotten to know you too," she said, leaving her memory behind. "You're a great guy, Jason."_

_"That's the thing, Helga, that's it right there," he said, pointing at her. "I mean, you're the only student that calls me Jason, you're the only one I talk to and actually enjoy being around. I guess I'm just trying to say…or rather ask…if you'd maybe want to go out sometime? With me?"_

_She thought about it for a minute. Should she say yes? What would Arnold think? No, she shouldn't care what he thought, because he had Lila, and she was alone. And here was this handsome, smart, nice man who wanted to go out with her, he liked her, and she wasn't opposed to the idea of being with him. _

_"Yeah," she agreed resoundingly. "I'd love to."_

_He smiled so wide and with excitement in his voice started suggesting ideas for their first date, which he hoped would be the upcoming weekend. She wasn't paying too much attention, but agreed to whatever he said he wanted to do with a knot slowly forming in her stomach, silently telling her that maybe this was a bad idea. As she walked to her dorm room, her phone started to vibrate. She looked down and noticed it was Arnold calling, and yet she hit the ignore button. She resolved to herself that night that she would cut some times with him, let him become distant, because if she was going to lead a normal life, she had to. She had to stop loving him. She stopped going to his house at night after that, after she had started dating Jason, and she vowed she would never go to spend the night at his place ever again as long as she had Jason to confide in, to protect her. _

_ But even as she promised herself that she would stop loving Arnold, that she would move on in her life, a nagging voice in the back of her mind whispered quietly to her a warning that she chose to ignore:_

_"You'll always love him."_


	5. Chapter 5

_-A-_

Arnold had been working on this one sculpture for quite some time now. He wanted it to be perfect, and so far, that wasn't happening. He had gotten the body right, the book, everything except for the head. It's like, no matter how many times he reshaped and reformed, it still looked wrong. For the fifth time since he started this project, he ripped off the plaster head, tearing the features off to get the precious metal wires. _Well, this is a little grotesque_ he thought as he dug into the eyes, retrieving the fragments that made her brow bone.

It was at this moment that Lila entered the studio. He didn't hear her; obviously, because he had his jazz music up so loud it was deafening. She came up behind him and threw her arms around his neck. Out of shock he threw her arms off of him and jumped up, spinning around to face her. She looked nervous, at first, but when he sighed and laughed, hand to his heart, she laughed too. He grabbed the remote and turned the volume down.

"Oh man, you scared the shit out of me," he said laughing. He walked forward and kissed her, when she suddenly gasped.

"Arnold, your hand!"

He looked down to see that it was bleeding profusely. Apparently, with the shock of Lila coming up behind him, he had grabbed the wires a little too tightly, and one of them had punctured him. "Huh, well look at that."

He went and ran his hand under the faucet while Lila grabbed a first aid kit. "I'm sorry to have startled you so badly, but I wanted to tell you something, and I couldn't wait for you to get out of the studio! What are you making anyway?"

She looked at the work bench at the headless two foot long statue. Arnold froze momentarily. "It's for a children's reading fair benefit. I got commissioned for it a little while ago."

She bought it. "Oh, that's nice. So I wanted to tell you…I think I found the perfect venue for our wedding!"

Arnold rolled his eyes but put on a smile before turning around to face her, paper towel now clutched on his bleeding hand. "That's great, sweetie!"

"I know, right?" She whipped a magazine out from her over-sized purse and threw it on the table, sat on his chair and began to feverishly flip pages until she found what she was looking for and slapped her hand on the photo. "Read that!"

He leaned over her shoulder and looked at her perfect venue. He instantly saw a photo of the park they used to go to when they were kids to play football before they made Gerald Field, and his mind was flooded with good memories. He scanned the title of the article, something about fixing up the old gazebo by the pond, but he didn't care. It was his favorite place when there were younger, they played Frisbee there, they told ghost stories there, they caught frogs and fished and had the parents' day tournament there. He loved that place, and he loved the people associated with it.

"Oh, I knew you'd like it!" Lila said, bouncing on her seat with her hands on her cheeks, looking at the warm smile spreading across his face. "This is going to be great! I can't wait! We'll have to set a date before I can reserve anything, but we'll obviously have a spring time wedding, or maybe even early summer, we wouldn't want to be there when its chilly or anything like that, now would we?"

"You don't think fall would be nice?" He asked, partly because he loved fall foliage, and partly because fall came after summer which came after spring, which meant he would have more time to mentally prepare himself for this big life-changing step and maybe get his life in better order.

Lila looked at him, eyebrows raised. "Well, I mean, I supooooooose fall is nice…"

This was another one of those habits that Arnold hated about Lila. She wanted things her way, and even though she acted sweet and happy all the time, when things weren't exactly perfect in her eyes, she somehow found a way to get them back in her favor. She was never a bitch, she never yelled or anything, but she would act pouty and sad and try to charm you into doing whatever she wanted. Unfortunitally, Arnold always fell for it, without fail, every time. Every. Time.

"Yeah well," he said standing up and moving away, getting angry. "If you're dead set on whatever season you want, we'll do it when you want."

"Oh, I knew you'd understand," she said, packing up her stuff and heading for the door. "So, are you coming over for dinner later?"

He thought about it for a moment. "No, I don't think so. I'm going to cook for my grandparents tonight, they've been getting take-out too much recently and I want to spend time with them. Hope that's okay."

Lila cast her gaze down to her feet. "Yeah, yeah I suppose so…"

"You know," he said, feeling guilty. "You could come over too you know. The boarders really like when you come over."

"I guess I could do that," she said, sighing and rolling her eyes. "Just remember Arnold, I'm your fiancé, and sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the ones you love. Just keep that in mind."

And with that she left his art studio. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the ones you love? How many sacrifices has _she _made? She barely ever ate over at his family's house, she never wanted anything to do with them!

He cranked up his music and got back to work, yanking wires violently from the ruined head before throwing it into the trash with such force, a cloud of dried plaster exploded from the depths. He watched the dust settle, the music slowly drowning his anger as his thoughts shifted. Helga had eaten with his family before. Ever since she first snuck into his window, she had started hanging around the house. It was no longer just Arnold and Gerald, Helga joined their mix. Hell, she showed up more than Gerald after he started dating Phoebe! She became his best friend in no time at all, and they stayed best friends, even now, when they were on the cusp of 25 years.

His hands had been working without his mind, and he realized as he looked down at what he had been doing that his subconscious had reformed the face, and it was perfect. It was unfinished obviously; it had no hair, not even a back to its head, just a white plaster face, but he could tell just looking at it that every feature was exactly how he wanted it.

He worked well into the evening, and at 7 o'clock got a call from Lila asking what time she should head over to the boarding house.

"It's going to be a late dinner I think," he said, happiness in his voice, which she inquired about. "Oh, its nothing, I just finished the head that's all. I think I'm going to be able to deliver this by tomorrow afternoon."

They hung up and Arnold finished cleaning, grabbed his iPod, and made his way to the bus stop. As he waited, he turned his phone over in his hands, considering his next move. _Should I really be doing this?_

"Hey, Helga?" He said into his phone. "Yeah, its Arnold…Yeah I'm alright... Yeah, I'm just calling to say I have something I want to give you…"


	6. Chapter 6

_-H-_

It had been another rough morning with Jason. She had woken him up by accident when she let the door slam shut. He came out and yelled at her for a while, and when she tried to defend herself, saying it was an accident, he threw the nearest book at her, clipping her on the side of the head above her eyebrow. She let her anger get the better of her and had called him a bastard, which resulted in the bruises around her neck when he choked her.

_Why do I put up with him?_ She mused as she walked to her bookshop. She thought back to their wedding, when he was perfectly kind, wonderful, and passionate about her and their future life together. She moved into his apartment after the second semester of her sophomore year at college, and he looked for jobs while she studied. She never heard from her parents, never, but they continued to put money in her bank account. I guess no matter how many times he beat the crap out of her, Bob still felt some obligation to his youngest daughter to at least pay for her to get through school. They would sit together on the window seat at night, a warm wool blanket draped over their laps as they read to each other, chapter by chapter, from their expansive collection. They were blissfully happy, and even though she still wished that it was Arnold she was spending her life with, it seemed that her dreams, for the most part, were realized.

That is, until Jason couldn't find another teaching job. He had searched for two whole years, bouncing back and forth between substituting at high schools and doing guest lectures as local colleges. When he first got the job at the publisher, he was ecstatic. He talked endlessly about how amazing it would be to read the greatest literature of our age and be able to send it on its way to fame! His first few weeks in, and he was already moving up, getting promoted based on his literary skills and prestigious name from the college. That's when Helga had gotten the bright idea of opening up her own book shop. _Pataki's Pages _she would call it_, _and all the books he helped published she would help sell, and together they would give the world the beauty of literature. But, that dream slowly faded. After his last "promotion", Jason started becoming absolutely cynical about every writer in existence, insisting he knew more than the crackpots that gave him their work. At first she didn't think anything of, because he was still coming home, and he was still happy with her.

It was a slow process, her marriage falling apart. So slow in fact, she didn't even see it happening. Looking back, she should have seen the signs; he stopped keeping his endless journals, he didn't have any new stories to tell her feverishly about over dinner, and all he could say was how much people angered him at his job. Then that turned into him going to bed without her. He would get snappy with her over the littlest things, but he was most frustrated and angry with her when he saw her writing. He didn't kiss her, or hug her, or play with her hair, or do anything loving towards her any more. There were no more compliments, only insults. Her beautiful life was suddenly the nightmare she had grown up with that first time he hit her. Granted, he felt terrible, at least the first few times. He would bury his head in his hands, lock himself in the bedroom, and stay there all day with the lights off before apologizing profusely to her. He would be back to normal for a few days…then the cycle would start over, and eventually it never went back to the way it was.

In all reality, she felt sorry for him. He was a writer, he loved written word and he loved expressing himself on the page. But he couldn't do that anymore, something ruined it for him. And, if she really, really thought about it, it was her fault. If she had just said no to him, if she had only refused to date him, then he wouldn't have fallen in love with her, he wouldn't have asked her to marry him, she wouldn't have stupidly said yes, and he would still be teaching and writing every day. The worst part? She had done all of that to him, ruined his life, and she never loved him as much as she loved Arnold.

Before she knew it, she was in front of the bookstore. She looked up at the old fashion sign, green with gold lettering, glistening at her in the morning light. She unlocked the door and turned the sign to open. She pulled the metal grate up from the window just as the first customers entered. She loved weekend days because all day long, parents brought their children in, which overjoyed her. They were the young minds of the next generation, and they loved her extensive children's section. Her old classmates were her biggest customers too, and she loved seeing them and their families with armfuls of books. She even had a story time hour, where her longtime friend and partner, Phoebe, would read to them. Phoebe was mostly a silent partner in the business, as she had her own job to think about. She worked at the recycling plant downtown working on developing new technology to allow them to get more use out of the recyclables they collected. Right now, she was working on a way to make sports equipment out of recycled tires and car parts. However, she liked to pop in every day for two hours, one to read to the kids, and one to spend lunch with Helga.

Today, she happened to be ringing up a stack of biology references books for Nadine and her little daughter when Phoebe came in. She left one of the teenagers she had hired in charge of the register, and followed Phoebe into the back room.

"Oh man," she said, plopping down as Phoebe placed a paper-wrapped sub down in front of her. "You don't know how much I needed this Pheebs, it's been a long morning."

"Yeah?" She said, as unwrapping her sandwich and took a big bite. "Why's that?"

"You know," Helga said, wiping her mouth with her napkin. "Just Jason being pissy again, as usual. He's stressed out, so I should cut him some slack, but there's only so much you can take you know?"

Helga looked over at Phoebe, who was eyeing the bandage over her eyebrow with suspicion. It was a good thing she wore a scarf today, or else Phoebe might catch on to the issues she was having. She loved Phoebe, but she just couldn't tell her about Jason beating her up… or about her secretly sleeping with Arnold…

"So how's the family? Everyone doing well?" She asked Phoebe with a smile. That did the trick, and Phoebe started happily talking about how Gerald was doing with his recording business. Apparently, he had just signed on with an upcoming country star that was already climbing the charts, which helped boost their income significantly.

"And it's a good thing too," she said with a shy smile on her face. "Because I'm pregnant."

Helga almost choked on her food, completely blown away. "Are you serious?!"

Phoebe nodded happily and the two friends sprang to their feet, embracing and laughing. "Congratulations Phoebe, that's so amazing! How soon until we have another kid to spoil with too many books?"

"Oh, it's going to be some time before that," Phoebe said, sitting back down. "I just found out about this yesterday, and I could not _wait_ to tell you! I'm only about six weeks along."

"Wow," Helga said with a smile, sitting across from her friend. "I can't wait for your baby to be born! It will be beautiful, no question."

"Well, gee, thanks Helga," Phoebe said. Growing up, Helga had always been unkind to Phoebe, and she had stuck by her for years. It took going to different colleges and experiencing life without her best friend that Helga realized how much she loved Phoebe and really did need her in her life. That first winter break home, she had made a promise to Phoebe that she was going to be nicer to her from now on, and it was a promise she had successfully kept. She felt like their friendship was stronger now than ever before. It was Phoebe's next question that solidified this to her.

"Helga, I was wondering," she said, folding her hands across her stomach. "If you'd be the baby's Godmother?"

"Are…are you serious?" Helga asked, feeling an emotional bubble forming in her chest. "Of course I will! I feel so honored right now."

They hugged again before going out to the front room, Phoebe sat at her chair and rang her story bell and the kids when running, and Helga sat herself down behind the counter again. She watched happily as her friend read to the kids, animated and enthusiastic. This bookshop was her escape, that was for sure. She was able to get away from Jason, to be around what she loved, and see her best friend every day. What more could she want? Well, other than Arnold, but she would take what she could get with him, and that was all she could ask for. Here, she could hide herself in the pages of her books, and for a brief moment in time, she could live a different life.

It was getting to the end of the day; Phoebe , as it turned out, had taken the day off at the recycling factory so she could spend her day working in the bookshop, which she only did on special occasions. Helga had sent the other workers home; it wasn't busy and they were just as excited for Phoebe as she was, so she let them go early to celebrate. Things were winding down, and she had locked the door and turned on some happy music to dance to while she and Phoebe cleaned up. She was having the time of her life when her cell phone started ringing.

"It's Arnold," she said nervously to Phoebe, who instantly turned the music off and hurried over to listen to the conversation by pressing her ear to the other side of the phone, essentially making a Helga-phone-Phoebe sandwich.

"Hey Helga?" his voice sounded so sweet on the other end of the line.

"Arnold?"

"Yeah, it's Arnold" He said with a slight laugh.

"Good to hear from you," she said, looking at Phoebe out of the corner of her eye, who was looking right back at Helga intensely. She may not have known about their secret affair, but there was no way Helga could hide how much she still loved Arnold, and Phoebe knew all about that after all. "How are you? Everything okay?"

"Yeah I'm alright... Yeah, I'm just calling to say I have something I want to give you…" He said uneasily.

"Oh…" she said, looking at Phoebe with wide eyes. Phoebe moved away from the receiver and put her hands on her cheeks, looking surprised. "That's very…nice of you. Would you like me to pick it up?"

"No," He said. A knock on the glass window caused Helga to look up in shock, and she saw Arnolds face peering into her shop, smiling. She saw his mouth move as he said into the phone "I thought I'd just drop it off."

Phoebe and Helga shared a knowing look, it was almost like Phoebe was telling her _don't do anything you'll regret_. Ha, if only she knew. Helga unlocked the door and let him in with a rush of cold autumn air, and Phoebe picked up a broom.

"Hey Helga," he said, giving her a quick, one-armed hug, and she felt her heart skip a beat. Just a simple hug from him and she was positively melting! He let go and looked beyond her to Phoebe. "Hey Pheebs, Gerald called me today and told me the good news! Congratulations!"

"Thanks, Arnold! We're all really excited," she said, leaning on her broom handle.

"I can only imagine!" Arnold said, laughing. He turned back to Helga and held out a large brown bag to her, smiling. "This is what I wanted to give you…It's just something I thought would be cool to have in your shop…you know, for decoration or something."

She took the bag from him and pulled out a news-paper wrapped object. She set it gently on the counter and tore the paper off and gasped, putting her hands over her mouth. It was a beautiful sculpture of a little girl, lying on her stomach with her feet in the air, ankles crossed. She had her face in her hands and propped up on her elbows, a book lying open in front of her. She was clearly engulfed in whatever she was reading, though there were no words on the page.

"Oh, Arnold," she said, looking up at him. "It's beautiful, absolutely perfect. I love it."

"Really? You mean it?" he said, excited.

"Of course I mean it!" She said, putting her arms on her hips. "Why would I lie about that?"

He smirked at her, and she pushed his shoulder lightly. She picked the sculpture up in her hands carefully. "I know just where to put it too."

She took it over to the front window and placed it right in the center of the book display, facing diagonally towards the sidewalk. Arnold turned and headed out the door and stood in front of the window. He rubbed his hands together, trying to warm them up, while she positioned the sculpture and books some more. When it was perfect, he gave her the thumbs up and she returned it. He came back in, with a big smile on his face, melting Helga's heart.

"Really Arnold," she said, putting a hand on his arm. "It's wonderful, I couldn't ask for anything better."

"It's no problem," he said, shuffling his feet. "I just… just had the shop on my mind one day and… and you…and then I thought…hey, why not make something for it?"

Phoebe walked past Helga with the broom and looked at her with wide eyes and a smirk on her face that Arnold couldn't see. Helga rolled her eyes at her and pretended to kick her butt as she headed to the supply closet.

"Well," Phoebe said when she emerged with her navy blue coat on and red beret in hand. "I think I'm going to head home, it's getting kind of late, you know."

Helga and Arnold said their goodbyes to her as she left, and Helga walked around behind the counter to turn the lights off. Arnold waited for her, and then held the door open for her when they left. She locked the door, turned around, and saw him standing close to her.

"So um," he said, looking down at his feet. "I was wondering also…maybe if you wanted to…to come over again tonight?"

"Arnold…" she said with a sigh, putting her hand on his face, but she dropped it quickly and shoved her hands in her pockets. "I don't know… I mean, isn't Lila getting the least bit suspicious?"

"No," he said bluntly. "In fact, she even agreed to come over to dinner tonight with my grandparents."

"Wait," Helga said, backing away. "She's going to come over for dinner, and then you're going to kick her out for the night? Don't you think _that's_ a little suspicious?"

"It's not like I haven't done it before," he said with a chuckle. "Its just…I kinda feel like I need someone to talk to about stuff… and you know, I can always trust you with that kind of stuff…"

Helga felt her resolve fading. "Yeah, I wouldn't mind someone to really talk to either."

"So you'll come?" He said excitedly.

She smiled. "Yeah, I'll come over, geeze! Twist my arm, why don't ya?"

He smiled and told her Lila should be gone by 10, and rushed down the road to the bus stop. Helga walked the opposite way towards her car and drove home. When she got back, Jason was sitting cross legged on the couch with a plate of Chinese food in front of him.

"Hey," Helga said, dropping her bag and putting her keys in her coat pocket. "How was work today?"

"Shitty, as usual," he said, not taking his eyes off the tv as he talked to her. "You?"

"It was pretty good; Phoebe came by with some good news…" But she stopped, because it was clear Jason wasn't listening. She looked around for the rest of the Chinese takeout, but discovered shortly after that he had clearly only gotten enough food for himself. She sighed and made her way to the kitchen, which Jason responded with a loud shushing noise.

As she cooked her dinner, she thought:_ ten o'clock couldn't come sooner._


	7. Chapter 7

_-A-_

"Hey there, Shortman," Grandpa said when Arnold came in the door that evening, grocery bags in hand. "Looks like you've got quite a haul there!"

"You bet, Grandpa!" Arnold said heading to the kitchen with the old man right behind him. "I hope you guys don't mind, but Lila is going to come over for dinner tonight. Thought I'd try making something new, you know?"

"Lila?" Grandma's voice echoed from the hallway. She stuck her head in the kitchen door, a scowl on her face. "Who's Lila?"

"She's my fiancée, Grandma," Arnold said, unpacking and pulling out pots and pans. He pulled the printed receipt out of his pocket and got to work on chopping ingredients with grandpa. "Remember? She's been here a few times."

Grandma marched into the kitchen, hands on her hips, Viking hat askew. "Well what about that other girl?"

"Pookie," grandpa said, rolling his eyes. "Leave the boy alone, he doesn't need you badgering him about his love life! He's a grown man now! He can make his own decisions."

"Hmmm," Grandma said, eyes narrow. "I still like that other girl better…what's her name? Eleanor….Helen…of troy…?"

She walked out of the kitchen still pondering the name of the other girl she just couldn't remember. However, Grandpa gave Arnold a knowing look; everyone knew exactly who she was talking about. It was the girl who everyone knew had been sneaking into Arnold's room on a weekly basis since they were in high school. She was the girl that came over during the summer and winter breaks during college and stayed from breakfast until midnight. Even if Arnold couldn't see it, everyone else could; the girl loved him! And he was pretty fond of her too.

"So, Arnold," Grandpa said, grabbing some tomatoes from the counter. "How's your work been? Anything exciting going on?"

"Eh, not really in my life, no," he said with a shrug. "Phoebe's going to have a baby, so that's pretty exciting for them. Gerald asked me to be its Godfather. "

"That's great news!" Grandpa said. "Who's the kids Godmother?"

"No idea," Arnold said. "Gerald said it was Phoebe's pick, so I guess one of her friends. I didn't think to ask when I ran into her today when I went to drop something off at Helga's bookshop."

"Oh?" Grandpa said, eyebrows raised. "What busisness did you have at Helga's?"

"Geeze, Grandpa," Arnold said, getting defensive. "She's one of my best friends, I can't stop by and say hey to her sometimes? "

"I didn't say you couldn't," Grandpa said, keeping his cool. "It's just, you seem to stop by her bookshop a lot more than you stop by Lila's place of work."

"Well, let's be honest, Grandpa," Arnold said as the doorbell rang. He washed his hands off before heading out to answer it, calling over his shoulder with a laugh. "Books are a little easier to stomach than hospitals, especially the baby wing."

He opened the door to see Lila standing in the door way, a smile on her face. She pulled her coat, hat, and scarf off and handed them to Arnold who stored them in the hallway closet. She kissed him on the cheek and followed him to the kitchen, where the rest of the boarders were collecting. This was Arnold's favorite part of the day, when he got to sit down with his strange family and have one big happy meal together. These were his people, the ones he cared about and who cared about him, but it became quickly obvious that Lila stuck out like a sore thumb among them.

"So uh, _Lila_," Ernie said, waving a hunk of steak around on the end of his fork, spraying her with steak sauce. Lila shrunk away from him, wiping her face with her napkin after every drop that hit her. "What is it you do again?"

"Well," she said, shifting in her seat uncomfortably. "I work in the neonatal section of the hospital across town."

"Ooooh," Mr. Hyunh said, leaning towards Lila. "The babies?"

Lila nodded and Susie sighed. "That must be so nice, all those sweet little babies you get to see every day. I bet it's really rewarding."

Lila was about to respond when Grandma came bursting through the kitchen door with a pan of roasted sweet potatoes in her hands, dressed head to toe as a knight. "I CLAIM THIS TABLE IN THE NAME OF SPAIN!"

She slammed the pan down on the table, making everyone's plates jump a good inch off the table, as well as causing Lila to jump a good inch in her chair. She leaned over to Arnold, worry in her eyes. "Arnold, is…is she okay?"

"What?" Arnold said. He hadn't noticed anything had even happened, given the fact that he grew up with his Grandmother doing strange things like this every night. "Oh, you mean the costume and everything? Yeah, she's fine, she does this all the time, ever since I was little."

Lila nodded, but looked uneasily around at the table for the rest of the night at Arnolds non-traditional family, cringing when Oskar would eat straight off the serving plates, jumping when people yelled, and practically falling to the floor for cover when the food started flying. Okay, so his family was weird, he knew it; this kind of stuff doesn't happen at every dinner table. But still, it wasn't the first time she came over for dinner, and it wasn't the first time Grandma has done something weird in front of her. _You'd think she'd have learned to roll with the punches at this point…_

After dinner, they all went to the living room, sitting and chatting, when the conversation went right back to Lila's job, courteous of Oskar. He had been talking about the time he and Susie had watched a baby and how he was really great at parenting.

"Do you have any kids?" Lila had asked politely.

"Oh, no," Susie said, laughing and holding her hands up. "We're not ready for _that_ yet. You know, finances are tough and babies take a lot of time and energy…"

"I can't wait to have kids," Lila said, clasping her hands together in excitement. "They are just the cutest things! We'd have really cute kids, don't you think Arnold?"

It was as if someone had hit the mute button for the entire room, that's how quiet everyone got. They looked at Arnold expectantly, wondering what he would think about being a parent. It struck him that this was the first time Lila had ever mentioned wanting kids… or wanting kids with _him_!

"Uh," he said, standing up and scratching the back of his head. "Well… I don't know, isn't that… can we not talk about that?"

"Ah, let's leave the poor boy alone," Grandpa said, waving his hand at everyone in the room as he got up to turn on the t.v. "Besides, it's time for my show, everyone be quiet, now."

They all settled back to watch their show, and Arnold offered to do the dishes. Lila followed him, looking determined.

"Arnold," she said, standing next to him at the sink. "Why don't you want to talk about having kids?"

"Could you grab a towel?" Arnold asked, setting a wet plate on the counter next to her, not looking up from his work. He glanced sideways only for a second and saw her standing there with her arms crossed and her foot tapping. He sighed and dropped the dirty pan he was working on back in the sink. "I don't know, Lila, I just…I don't know about the whole…parent thing…"

"Why not?" Lila said, raising her voice and getting teary-eyed. "Is it because you don't like babies? Because you don't like the idea of having kids with me? Because if that's the case Arnold, I'd like to know now before I make any commitment to you in the future, okay?"

"It's not that," Arnold said, blushing and trying to quiet her down. "It's just… It's personal, Lila. I don't want to talk about this right now."

"Well, Arnold," She said, voice high pitched and squeaking. "Maybe you need some time to think about it! And when you figure out what you want from our marriage, you come and talk to me!"

"Wait, Lila," Arnold said, feeling terribly guilty. "You're not breaking up with me are you?"

"No, I'm not," she said, wiping the tears off her cheeks. "But this is a serious problem Arnold, and I wish you would have said something sooner about your fear of commitment to me and our future family! Now I can't even set a date to rent the park gazebo! You're ruining everything Arnold, just everything!"

And with that, she stormed out of the house and slammed the door behind her, leaving Arnold thoroughly embarrassed with a sink full of dishes and six pairs of curious eyes staring at him. He finished the dishes quickly, then excused himself to his room, saying he was tired and wanted to get to bed early. He practically ran up the stairs, checking his watch. It was almost 10:00, and he was expecting Helga any minute now.

He burst into his surprisingly cold room, searching his pockets for his remote control to turn on his lights, when he noticed a soft glow coming from the roof. He headed over to his ladder, and noticed an extension chord leading from the outlet on the wall up the rungs and out his cracked window. With a smirk on his face, he grabbed his coat and headed out to meet Helga.

She was sitting on his roof on a blanket, her coat pulled tightly around her. She had taken Arnolds space heater from under his desk and pulled it up to the roof and placed it next to her, where it was glowing bright orange. Her breath was coming up in clouds and her face was towards the sky. Arnold came over and sat next to her, wrapping his arms around his knees for warmth.

"It's snowing," she said. She didn't look at him, but continued to look upward, smiling. She closed her eyes and Arnold watched snowflakes falling gently in her hair before melting into little sparkling beads. He must have been staring too long, because she quickly snapped out of her trance, looking directly at him with intense eyes. "so, what did you need to talk about?"

Arnold looked out over the rooftops and sighed. "It's Lila, she's just bumming me out all the time you know?"

"No," Helga said, looking out to the horizon with him. "I don't know. Please continue."

Arnold told her about Lila's ultimatum, how she told him he needed to make sacrifices yet she never seemed to make any. How she made him feel guilty for doing anything that wasn't exactly what she wanted, and to top it all off, her behavior at dinner tonight.

"…and then she storms out, making a big scene, and I'm left with everyone staring at me like I did something horribly wrong!" he finished his long winded speech, and now he was on his feet, leaning on the ledge of the building with his arms crossed, angry.

"Well, no doubt she's been acting ridiculous, and she could have handled that kitchen situation better, but," She was now standing next to him and put her hand on his shoulder, looking at him knowingly. "You probably should have talked to her about your future plans before you got her a ring, you know?"

Arnold didn't get mad easily, but that comment got under his skin. "What? You're going to take her side now? Great, and I thought I could count on you."

"Please, if I was on her side, I'd have told her about what goes on in your room when she goes home," Helga said with just as much bite in her voice. "You know I'm always on your side. You should have figured out what she wanted in her future so you wouldn't be stuck in this situation, Arnold."

Arnold shrugged and turned his head away from her. They were quite for a long time before Helga spoke up again. "So…why don't you want kids?"

Arnold sighed and ran his fingers through his messy blonde hair. "It's complicated, Helga."

"Like my life isn't?" she said with a cynical laugh. "If you can't tell me about it, who can you tell?"

Arnold looked at her for a long time, deciding if he should tell her or not. He decided to let it go. "I guess I'm just kind of scared."

"Why?" she asked bluntly.

"Because…" he was struggling now. It was easy to say in his head, but not so much out loud. "Because I don't have parents. I don't know how parents work. My parents left me."

"Arnold," Helga said softly. "You know they didn't leave you on purpose…"

"Please, Helga," Arnold said, getting frustrated. "They did leave me on purpose. They decided that they would make one last trip to South America. They got on that plane. No one forced them, they did it on their own free will, and they didn't bring me with them. It wasn't their decision to die, but they decided to leave me."

"Arnold, you don't know that they died, they could still—"

"I know they're dead," He cut her off. "I didn't tell you, but I got a letter from their friend Eduardo. Said that their plane was found in the jungle, a few miles off their charted course. Their bodies were still in the plane. They died a long time ago."

Arnold thought back to that day, the day he got the letter. It was their sophomore year in college, and it had been a rough one. He had gotten word of Helga's marriage just weeks before school started, right at the end of their spring semester ended. She hadn't even been dating him for a year, and she had gotten married. He was worried for her, and hurt that she didn't even think to talk to him about it…she didn't invite him to come along…she did it alone. Then, just as classes were starting and he had finally gotten over the shock of her actually marrying a man who was wrong for her, he found out his parents were officially dead. He hadn't told Helga then; he felt like he didn't even know her any more, and she was acting blissfully happy about the whole married life thing. He didn't even tell Lila…and of course it hurt their relationship in a bad way. They fought throughout the entire year, he pushed her away, and she forced her way back into his life. That's when the guilt trips started, where she forced him to do things she thought were good for him. He knew it was because he was slipping into a depression, and it did help him at the time to get out and do things…

He thought that, after a while, the pain had stopped, but really he was just numb. Maybe that's why when Helga came into his room that night, at the end of their sophomore year, when she had been married just ten months and already had fallen back into her worst nightmare, he gave into what he had been wanting for a long time and slept with her. At the time, he just wanted to feel some resemblance of love, even if she didn't love him and he didn't love her. He just wanted someone to make him feel whole, and Helga was so good at doing that with her words, and they were in the same emotional position…they were both at their lowest…they were both hurt, and sad, and lost…and it just worked.

He never expected her to become his addiction, something he couldn't go even a day without. He needed to talk to her, always, and every so often he needed to be with her. He needed to touch her soft skin and feel her arms around him. He wasn't sad any more, really, he was doing better. But he still needed her with him…

He quickly snapped out of his thoughts, as they were frankly, scaring him. He didn't like to think he needed someone so badly, so he let it go. He realized he had been silent for a long time, and so had she. He thought about how she always knew what to do, or say, or not say, when he needed it…_God, Arnold! Stop it! Stop thinking about that! You're engaged to Lila._

"So I guess," he said quietly, trying to clear his mind of her. Talk about a tangent… he went from talking about his lost parents to thinking only about Helga? "I guess I'm afraid that I'd ruin a kid's life…that I'd leave him behind and not think twice about it…or I'd not be there for him emotionally because I couldn't, I don't know, just couldn't. It's hard to imagine yourself as a parent when you've never really seen it done. And it's fucking terrifying to think about yourself as a parent when you have no one to go to for help."

She was silent again, thinking. He wanted her to say something before he went back to daydreaming about her again. _Please say something, please…_

"You know what I think?" She said suddenly, turning towards him. He leaned up against the ledge, and she stood in front of him, staring at him square on. "I think that you would even think to say that shows that you'd be one hell of a dad."

Arnold scoffed at her and looked away, and she took his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her. "No, Arnold, I'm serious. You're scared because you don't want to mess your kid up, but who isn't? You'd be a parent for the first time and so would she, and you'd be getting through it together. Plus, you'd have her parents to ask questions about. You'd even have Gerald! You'd have a million people! Everyone doubts themselves, but as long as you are kind and try, you'll do fine, and you'll have a beautiful kid to love you to prove that you're doing a good job."

She let go of his face and put her hands in her pockets, smirking at him. "Well, as good as anyone can expect from you anyways."

Arnold laughed, folding his arms and rolling his eyes. "Oh, thanks Helga."

She laughed, shrugged, and started to head back to the blanket, but Arnold grabbed her elbow. She turned around and looked at him, confused. "No, really…Thank you."

"Hey, what are friends for?" She asked, smiling sweetly at him. She pulled her hands out of her pockets and took Arnolds hands in hers. She stood on her tip-toes and kissed Arnold quickly on the cheek. Before she could move too far away, Arnold dropped her hand and brought his up to her chin, bringing her face back to his and kissing her full on the lips. She put her arms around his neck and he pulled her close, pressing her body against his. They made out for a long time, and he let his hands travel down to her lower back, pulling her hips harder into his.

At that moment, she pulled away. He looked at her confused, and saw that she looked troubled. "What is it?"

"I don't know," Helga said, putting her hands on his chest. "I feel like…like we shouldn't be doing this."

"We don't have to tonight if you don't want to," Arnold said, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I wouldn't pressure you to do anything you didn't want."

"I know you wouldn't, Arnold, that's why you're so wonderful," she said quickly, practically under her breath. "But…you need to work out your issues with Lila."

He felt frustrated now. "I need to work out my issues? Really?"

Helga pushed him away even more, frowning. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Like you're one to lecture anyone on fixing their problems," he said, shoving his hands into his pockets angrily. "You've got your own shit to handle at home, Helga."

"Oh yeah?" She said, putting her hands on her hips. "You tell me what you think I should do, then, Arnold. What? Do you think I should talk to him? Work out our problems with our words?"

She was mocking him, and he was in no mood for that. After all, he just got rejected for sex… "Well, it's not like you've ever tried talking to him or do anything else about it. You just let him beat the crap out of you and then you come over here. Do you know how much it sucks to see you this way and I can't do anything about it? You don't want me to talk about it to anyone, and yet I have to sit there and talk to you about such trivial shit when all I want to do is make you stop hurting?"

"Arnold, just stop it!" Helga yelled. The sudden increase in volume took him by surprise, and he shut up instantly. "You want to help me, Arnold? Really? Because you could have, Arnold! You had a million chances to help me, but you didn't!"

He stared at her, shocked. "I'm not saying it's your fault, Arnold, but don't act like you did all that you could!"

"But…" he stuttered. "You told me…"

"Jesus, I came to you when I was sixteen, Arnold!" Helga continued to yell. "Six-teen! Do you really think I was in any position to instruct you how to help me? I had been beaten up by my father and my alcoholic mother just let it happen! Sorry I didn't want to talk about it!"

"Hey!" Arnold yelled back, heated. "If you're so _aware_ of your problems now, why can't you take care of your shit? You're not six-teen anymore! Fix it! I'll help you any way you want me to, but don't get on my case about not breaking my promise to you! In case you didn't notice, but I was six-teen when you came to me too! You think I had much experience with domestic abuse? I didn't!"

They were standing a good three feet apart from each other now, enraged. "What can I do, Arnold? What can I do that won't lead to me getting the shit beat out of me even more? You really think I can just go up to him and say 'hey, you mind not punching me today'? I've tried talking to him, I've tried figuring out what the hell happened to make him this way, but he doesn't tell me! He doesn't love me, Arnold!"

She was crying now, and he stood silent. He felt terrible now, for bringing this up and making her cry…granted she started it, but still, he knew this was a much harder topic for her than for him… When she spoke again, it was quietly.

"At least you know someone loves you, Arnold," She said sadly, wiping the tears off her cheek with her coat sleeve. "No one loves me."

"That's not true," Arnold said, coming towards her. He went to hug her, but she pushed him away.

"Do you even know why I come to you, Arnold?" She said, her voice surprisingly steady for someone who was crying. "Do you know why I've always come to you? Why I cheat on my husband with you? Did you ever think about that? Did you?"

He had. He had thought about it a lot, and he was sure he knew why she did it all. He didn't answer, he didn't want it out in the open where he'd have to face it.

"Ever think about when we were younger?" she asked suddenly, and he looked up. Where was she going with this? "Ever think about why I knew that girl Summer was a bitch? Ever wonder how Mr. Huynh's daughter found him?"

"What…" Arnold said, but she cut him off.

"I love you, Arnold," she said seriously, a look of complete desperation on her face, as if she had wanted to say this for a very long time. "I've always loved you, and I always will love you."

"Helga," Arnold said, his voice coming out raspy. He couldn't find his words; his head was spinning and hurting all at the same time. He felt angry tears burning in his eyes. "I don't know what to do."

"Then figure it out, Arnold," she said, picking up her blanket. "You figure it out, and I'll help you."

"Helga," He said, pressing his palms into his eyes. "God, what do I even say to you?"

She shrugged and headed for his fire escape. His breathing was heavy, and he didn't know what to do, so he did the first thing that came to his head. He ran after her, reached out and grabbed her shoulders, spun her around, and kissed her again. This was different from before, he wasn't trying to get her into bed, he just wanted to convey…something…

He put his hands on either side of her face as they continued to kiss. When their lips broke away from each other, he rested his forehead against hers, his fingers entangled in her hair.

"I need you," He said quietly, trying hard to keep his emotions in check. "And you can be damn sure someone loves you."


	8. Chapter 8

_-H-_

She woke up with the sun in her eyes, warmed to the bone in her bed, which surprised her because usually her bed wasn't warm like this. It was hard to generate heat when you slept alone every night while your husband fell asleep on the couch… But he wasn't on the couch…

It was this realization that made her sit bolt upright. She knew this warmth, and she knew the body next to her. She looked over to see Arnold stirring next to her. He had had his arms wrapped tightly around her, and her sudden movement had woken him up.

"Oh, _shit_," she said, putting her hands over her eyes. They hadn't had sex, they were both fully clothed, but she had fallen asleep next to him. She couldn't leave the night before, not after he had told her that he loved her. They had stayed awake for hours, talking. She had spilled her guts, she told him that she had loved him for years, as long as she'd known him. He told her that he knew ever since that day they saved the neighborhood together. Granted, he was skeptical, half believing it really was just the "heat of the moment", but there was always a nagging feeling that told him she had lied.

"I started loving you that first night you came into my room, I think," He had said the night before, as they lay next to each other in the dark, their faces close, whispering. "I mean, I liked you before that, but for some reason seeing you in my room that night…that was the end for me."

"The end?" She asked quietly, smiling. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means," He said, tucking her hair behind her ear and kissing her forehead. "that I knew I loved you, and that scared the hell out of me. I didn't know what to do, and I tried to forget it, because I never felt that way about anyone before you, so I buried it. But every night when I went to bed, you were in my thoughts. Every time you came to me for help, I just loved you more and more, and every time that happened, I knew I couldn't stop loving you."

She had smiled, tears forming in her eyes. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear you say something like that to me. It's like a dream."

Yes, it was a dream, a dream come true. But in the morning light, looking at the man next to her, she was snapped back to reality. She got up quickly, taking off Arnold's t-shirt and slipped on grabbed her own clothes, muttering under her breath a steady stream of profanities: _shit, shit, fuck, shit._

She was just about to grab her jeans when she felt Arnolds arms around her stomach. He buried his face in her neck, his voice muffled. "You're too beautiful, I can bearly stand to keep my hands off you."

"Arnold," She said, exasperated. "You're making this so hard, right now"

"So are you," He said, smirking.

"Please," she said, rolling her eyes at his obvious sexual innuendo. She couldn't help but smile though. She turned around quickly and took Arnold's face in her hands, forcing him to look in her eyes. "Look, Arnold, I love you. A lot. More than a lot, I'd have to say more than anything else. But in case you didn't realize, I just spent the night at your place."

"So?" Arnold asked, putting his hands on hers. _Man, not that I'm complaining, but he's really affectionate now that he's gotten his real feelings out_, she thought. "It's not like you haven't before, and there have been a lot of times where we do a lot worse than just sleep next to each other."

He went in to kiss her but she pushed him away, moaning and laughing at the same time. "Ugh, Arnold! As much as I don't want you to stop, you've got to lay off for just a minute, Okay? We've got a real problem."

Arnold looked at her, confused, when suddenly his eyes opened wide with realization. "Oh shit, you spent the _whole _night."

"Now you're getting it," she said, laughing nervously. She had always left his house before the sun came up, sneaking back into her house and pretending she had just stepped out for an early coffee every time. It had worked so often because she had a system: she would leave her house late at night with an extra shirt in her bag, so that when she left Arnold's in the wee hours of the morning, she could just throw that shirt on, pretending she had woken up early to go to the bright eye coffee shop that stayed open all night. It was simple, Jason suspected nothing; if she looked different from the night before, so there was nothing suspicious going on; she just liked to wake up early, that's all. That's the "reason" they stopped sleeping together in the bed. She would "wake up" at 4 in the morning to go for coffee, and it woke him up sometimes. Helga remembered those early days of sleeping with Arnold, when she would try desperately to sneak back into the bed with Jason, fear gripping her and turning her heart into a pounding drum. He would stir and ask groggily where she'd been, and she'd say that she had just woken up and was going out for coffee. He bought it, and because he was such a sound sleeper, it became easy to sneak away from him on a weekly basis.

But today was a very different story. She didn't have an extra shirt to change into. She would come into their home when he was awake, coffee in hand at a way later hour than usual, wearing the same thing as always. She was fucked, that was for sure.

"What do I do?" She said, fully clothed and pacing the floor. "God, he's going to be so angry."

She pushed her fingers through her hair, Arnold watching her. She looked at him and he looked distressed. He scratched his head, and sighed. "I hate seeing you like this."

"Like what? Stressed? It's kind of a stressful situation, you know?" She said with a nervous laugh.

"No," he said, very serious. "I hate to see you scared. You're scared, Helga, don't try to deny it. You look just like you did when you were in high school, when you didn't want to go home because you knew your father would beat you up for no good reason. You look like you did that night you came over and we made love for the first time. You look terrified."

She held back tears, not wanting to think about what was waiting her when she got home. She was terrified, she didn't want to get beat up, who would? She couldn't help but think of the stupid irony of it all; she beat kids up when she was in elementary school, now she gets beat up. Karma was such a bitch sometimes.

At that moment, Helga's phone started ringing. She pulled it out of her pocket and put her hand to her mouth to stifle a cry of panic. It was Jason.

"Don't worry, I have an Idea." Arnold said, pulling out his phone at the same time. He quickly dialed a number and started talking to the person on the other end immediately. "Gerald? It's Arnold. I need to talk to Phoebe, right now. It's an emergency, please."

Helga watched him as he waited for Phoebe, her phone still ringing. She went to answer it, but Arnold violently shook his head no before talking into his phone again. "Phoebe? Did Jason call you yet?...Good…. You need to be Helga's alliby. If he calls, tell him she spent the night at your house to celebrate the news okay? …. Tell Gerald…. Well, he was going to find out sooner or later anyways, so it's fine….okay thank you, bye."

He hung up the phone and pointed to the phone in Helga's hand, still ringing. "answer it."

She did what he said, picking up right away. "Hello?"

She was greeted with anger, as she expected. "Where the FUCK are you?"

She looked at Arnold as he mouthed out instructions to her. "I spent the night at Phoebes…she found out she was pregnant and I went to her place later that night to celebrate, and we lost track of the time and I ended up falling asleep over there…but…I'll be home soon, don't worry."

"That's the stupidest excuse I've ever heard," He yelled at her, and Helga's heart sank. "If you're going to lie, do a better job of it, you dumb bitch."

"It's the truth, Jason," She said, angry. "Ask Phoebe yourself."

"Alright," Jason said, sounding smug. "Hand her the phone then."

Arnold was standing next to her, listening, and looked fearful. Helga replied without a single second hesitation. She made a mad dash to the roof, opening the window and sticking her head out. "I'm already gone, Jason, just call her yourself okay? I've got to go, I'm going underground to the subway, I'll see you soon."

And with that, she hung up, climbed out on the roof, and ran for the fire escape.

"Wait!" Arnold yelled, pulling himself onto the roof. "What was all that about? Climbing out here?"

She smirked at him, "I've gotten pretty good at lying, football head. If he was going to believe I was on my way home, he needed to hear the sound of the city in the background, duh."

She winked at him, and with that dropped out of site. He could hear her dashing down the side of his building, and he smiled. She was quite the woman, that was for sure.

She practically sprinted down the road, pushing past people to get to the subway. She checked her watch and saw that she had exactly 4 minutes to get down there to catch the next train that would bring her closest to home. She picked up the pace, skipping stairs as she ran, and got to the platform just in time to squeeze onto the train as the doors slid shut.

She stood there panting, laughing, completely blown away by what was happening. "What the fuck am I doing?" She said out loud, throwing herself onto a seat, laughing. It was strange, she wasn't happy, but God the situation was just so unfortunate, it was hilariously awful. She finally got what she wanted; she had Arnolds love. He was hers. Well, almost, the first step was out of the way. They knew they loved each other, now it was just a matter of healing, getting to the point where they could be together and be happy. She was so blissfully happy that he loved her, but so fucking terrified of what she had to do now.

"What's so funny, Helga?"

Well that shut her up instantly.


	9. Chapter 9

_-A-_

"Seriously dude, Seriously?"

Gerald was at the door. It was the first thing he said when Arnold had come to let him in. He stood there, arms crossed, looking seriously pissed off. Gerald was never pissed off.

"Let me explain," Arnold said, holding up his hands.

"Just tell me first," Gerald said, storming into the house and into the living room. "How long?"

"Gerald, lets not—"

"No dude," Gerald said, cutting Arnold off mid-sentence. "I am dead serious right now. How long have you been hooking up with Helga G. Pataki?"

"How old are we? Twenty four now? Almost twenty five?" Arnold said, scratching his head, trying to stall. "Let's see…that would make it…about…five years?"

"You have GOT to be kidding me, man," Gerald said, throwing his coat down on the couch and falling into the chair next to it, hand over his eyes. "You do realize that you've been in a LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP with LILA for about EIGHT YEARS, RIGHT?"

"Shh!" Arnold said, shutting the swinging door to the kitchen to block out some of the noise. "Please, Gerald, no one else knows about this."

"Really?" Gerald said with a laugh. "You don't think anyone else knows?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Phoebe knows." Gerald said, laughing viciously. "She's known for years, because Helga told her. She kept it from me because Helga asked her to, and I understand that, because they are BEST FRIENDS."

"Look," Arnold said, folding his arms and leaning up against the wall. "I would have told you, seriously, but…but I didn't even know what I wanted…"

"Oh, don't give me that shit, Arnold," He said, waving a hand at his comment. "You probably just wanted a good fuck; you've always said Helga got hot, what else could it have been."

"It's not like that!" Arnold yelled, suddenly angry. He didn't like Gerald talking about Helga that way anymore. When they were in high school, he let it go, because he didn't want to admit what he was really feeling about Helga every time he said she was just hot. He didn't want to admit that maybe she was a little better than just hot, and so he tried to deny that Gerald's comments about the girl didn't bother him. But, hell, there was nothing to hide now, and he was going to defend her finally.

"Then what is it, Arnold?" Gerald said, standing up. "You feel sorry for her or something? You wanted to be the hero? I know her husband isn't exactly nice to her, Phoebe told me that. I know that he's abusive, and I know that she's been coming to you for help, Phoebe told me that today, too. But why the _hell_ has this been going on so long Arnold? You could have let it go! You don't need to save everyone!"

"She started coming into my room at night in high school," Arnold said angrily back. Gerald gave him a look, suspecting something. "Not like that, Gerald, Jesus. We were friends. Her father beat the crap out of her, and she needed some place to hide, and she came here first. She needed me and I let her stay here! I didn't have to, but I wanted to. I wanted her here. That started when we were just sixteen, man! She's been sneaking into my room for as long as Lila and I have been together! It just…it escalated, that's all."

"But why, Arnold?" Gerald asked, very seriously. "Why?"

"Because," He said, feeling nervous. He had to say it now. "Because I love her."

Gerald stood there, speechless. They stood in silence for a good five minutes, Gerald just looking at him. He was an intimidating man when he wanted to be; he had shot up six-foot-five, he buzzed his head, and he bulked up since high school. Having him stare Arnold down like that, he wasn't sure if he was going to get punched in the face or not. But that didn't happen, Gerald was much too chill to hit anyone, ever. Arnold felt relief when he saw Gerald take a deep breath and run his hand over his short hair.

"Man," He said, shaking his head at Arnold and laughing shortly. "I do not envy you, man. How are you going to break this to Lila? You've got to end it with her, you can't keep doing this. I don't care if Helga is married and nothing comes of your relationship with her, You've got to be the good man I know you to be, and you've got to give Lila the chance to be with someone else. Don't just yank her around like this, man, its gone on long enough."

"You think I don't know that?" He said, rubbing his eyes, his own shaggy blond locks falling over his face. "It's a huge problem, huge. I shouldn't have gone this far with Lila, because I've loved Helga since high school."

"Seriously?" Gerald said, laughing. "Man, I would have never expected this, not in a million years."

"Yeah, no kidding," Arnold said, sliding down onto the floor. Gerald sat down across from them, just like when they were kids. "But I mean, I didn't leave Lila…I didn't want to love Helga and I tried to kill it by dating someone else… It was stupid, burying it did nothing. But then, she got married…"

Arnold slammed his fist against the wall behind him, angry. "She got married, for God's sake! She was married, and…and I figured that it would end, I figured she was moving on, she wouldn't show up at my house, I could forget I loved her, she would never know, Lila would never know, it would just go away. But then she had to show up at my fucking window again. I had to see her with those bruises again, and she told me she thought she had gotten away from it, but she hadn't. And all those stupid feelings came rushing back. I thought it was over, I thought I was over her, she hadn't been around for weeks and weeks, and yet here she was. I don't know how I've kept this to myself for so long. I mean, how could I not love her, she came to me with her biggest problems, she trust me! Me! Of all people!

"And she was so beautiful, Gerald, you can't even imagine it. She's just absolutely the most gorgeous thing. I just…I couldn't help myself. I had wanted her for so fucking long, and she came back to me. I just couldn't help myself. And five years later, here we are. She loves me, and I love her. She's loved me her whole life, man, her whole life. Where am I ever going to find someone like that, huh? She loves me completely. I wish I had known it sooner, then maybe we could have just been together and none of this would have happened."

He finished his rant and Gerald looked at him seriously, but not with anger. He looked sorry for his friend. This was a shitty situation, anyone could see. Gerald sighed, "This is some serious stuff man, some very serious stuff."

"Yeah," Arnold said, letting out one harsh laugh at the cruel irony of it all. "Tell me about it."

"I was all ready to come over here and slap some sense into you, man," Gerald said. "But…I didn't know this has been like, a life time thing… This is… major business. But I'll be here for you."

"Wait," Arnold said, looking up. "Seriously? You'll help me out?"

"Well of course I will, dude," Gerald said, standing up. Arnold stood up too and they did their signature handshake, something they'd done for years. "You're my best friend man, and nothings gonna change that. I just thought you were hooking up! This is more than that though, I can see that. You're seriously in love with this girl, why wouldn't I help you get the life you deserve with the woman you love?"

"Thanks, Gerald," Arnold said, heading to the door with him, grabbing his coat. "You're a real friend."

They walked down the road together, grabbed some coffee, and walked together to the bus stop, getting off right in front of Arnold's art studio, talking endlessly about Arnold's love affair and all the stories he wished he could have told to Gerald sooner.

"It's gonna be tough, you know," Gerald said when they reached the studio door. "So when are you gonna talk to Lila?"

"As soon as I work up the courage, I guess," Arnold said, leaning on the door handle. "It better be soon though, I mean, this shit can't be stopped now."

"Well, good luck to you brother," he said, waving as he got on the next bus that stopped. Arnold walked up the stairs and opened the door to the studio, a room full of people standing around waiting for their teacher to arrive. They all sat down when he entered, and he set his work down on the messy desk in the corner.

"Hey guys," he said, rubbing his eyes, trying to get in the mindset to work. "So today we're going to continue with subtractive sculptures, so we'll start with plaster and then—yes?"

He stopped when he saw one of the younger students with her hand in the air. She stood up, smiling. "I have a question for you, Arnold."

"Yeah?"

"Did you do the sculpture in the front window of _Pataki's Pages?"_

Arnold blushed and scratched his head, "Uh, yeah, I did…me and the owner go way back."

"Well" she said, sitting down again, smiling at him knowingly. "It's absolutely beautiful. You must really love that place."

"Yeah," He said with a laugh, pulling bags of plaster out from a cabinet to get started. "You could say that."


	10. Chapter 10

-H-

_Oh, no, of all the people_.

Helga froze, slumped in her seat, eyes forward, hoping to god she didn't hear who she thought she just heard.

"Helga? You remember me don't you?"

Helga turned her head slowly to the side, a smile on her face, "Of course I remember you, who could forget you?"

Lila smiled at Helga, getting up from her seat, and sat down right next to Helga. "So, why were you laughing so hard?"

Helga looked at the woman sitting next to her, with wide eyes. For some reason, she felt like Lila was some kind of wild animal. _I wonder if she can smell Arnold on me or not…and if she does, I wonder if she goes for the jugular…_

"Uhm," She said, straightening up and smoothing out her coat. "Just relieved I actually caught the train, I practically had to dive."

"Oh yes, I saw that," she said with a giggle. She crossed her legs and folded her hands on her knee, staring Helga down. "That was oh so impressive."

"Yeeeah, thanks," Helga replied, breaking her gaze with Lila. _Sheesh, is she acting creepy or what!_ "So…what's new?"

"Oh I don't know if you're still in touch with Arnold Shortman or not," She said, shrugging her shoulders and looking down at her fingernails. "I know you're close with Phoebe and her husband Gerald still comes by every now and then. But anyways, we're engaged."

With that she held her left hand out to Helga, showing off the ring Arnold had bought her. Even though Helga knew that Arnold loved her, man did it hurt to see that ring on her finger. It was solid, silver and diamond proof that Arnold wasn't hers yet, and with a binding title like Fiancé, it was hard to imagine him ever leaving Lila for her. After all, he had had many chances over the years, yet here was this bitch, sitting here with a ring that should be hers.

"Wow," Helga said, pretending to be baffled. "That's…that's great to hear. I'm glad for you."

"Yes," She said, pulling her hand back and looking down at her ring lovingly. She turned her hand side to side, letting the light catch on the accent diamonds, a smirk across her face. "It's funny how some things work out, isn't it?"

"What do you mean?" Helga said, feeling like they were headed into some dangerous territory.

"Oh you know, I still remember that little _secret_ you told me back in fourth grade" She said, scrunching up her nose in a knowing way with the word secret. Helga froze; they were most certainly headed into dangerous territory. "No hard feelings though, am I right?"

"Uh," Helga said, uneasy. "Right, no hard feelings."

"I was just in the neighborhood, and I saw your quant little bookshop," Lila said, not missing a beat in the conversation. "Quite a lovely sculpture in the front window, is it new?"

_Shit_

"Uh, yeah, Phoebe dropped it off," Helga said, lying on the spot. "She thought it fit pretty well, so she put it in the window."

Lila nodded but didn't say anything. They sat for a long time next to each other in silence, until the train slowed down at Helga's stop. She stood up to leave and to her surprise, Lila did too. She walked up to the road with Lila right behind her the whole time. When she reached the top of the stairs, she turned to say goodbye, but she couldn't get one word out before Lila spoke up again.

"It's just that," Lila said, glaring at Helga. "That's Arnold's sculpture, and he never said anything to me about giving it away to Phoebe, and he didn't say anything about Phoebe working at _your_ book shop when for the most part she works at the recycling plant. So I'm just wondering why he would make a very specific sculpture for a book shop when that's not Phoebe's profession, it's yours."

"Are you trying to say something to me, Lila?" Helga said, getting heated. She was angry that Lila was following her, angry that she was drilling her so hard, and angry that her cover was practically blown. "Because if you have something you want to say, I suggest you say it, or get lost."

"What business do you have with him, Helga? What?" Lila said, getting in Helga's face. "That sculpture was for your bookshop, don't try to deny it. Why is he making you gifts of all things?"

"Please," Helga said, rolling her eyes. "Arnold and I have been friends for years, Lila, longer than you and him have even known each other, let alone have been dating. So what if he made a sculpture for my bookshop? He gave it to Gerald who gave it to Phoebe who gave it to me; you're seriously going to be pissed off about a gift that went through two other people to get to me?"

_I've got to remind Arnold to add that lie to his arsenal later_, Helga thought as the string of lies slid from her tongue. It was easy to throw them out now that she was angry. A little discomforting that she had to do so much lying and it wasn't even past noon yet, but still.

"And besides, in case you didn't notice, I'm already married," Helga said, pulling her gloves off and showing her own wedding band to a shocked Lila. "Now, if you don't mind, I am going to walk home now to see my own husband, and you're bothering me. Goodbye Lila."

And with that, She turned on a heel and marched angrily towards her apartment building, pulling out her phone in the process and texting Arnold:

_Just FYI, I ran into your fiancé on the subway. She saw your sculpture in my window, so the story is you gave it to Gerald who gave it to Phoebe. Idk if she talks to either of them, but if she does they may want to be in on this lie too._

She threw her phone in her purse, grabbed her keys, and headed up the stairs. She didn't think about what was waiting for her until she was right in front of the door. It was at that moment her heart jumped up into her throat as reality hit her like a ton of bricks. Her husband was in there, and he was pissed off. It was dangerous, and she was scared, but she put her key in the lock, took a deep breathe, and headed into hell.

When she first stepped in, it was silent. The house looked normal, everything in its place, the sun pouring in the windows; perfectly fine. She set her bag down and threw her keys on the table, the sound alerting Jason to her presence, who showed up in the doorway to their bedroom, arms crossed and leaning on the frame. She paused for a moment, afraid of what he was going to do, before she slowly slid her coat off her shoulders, her eyes locked on his, looking for some sign of anger in his eyes.

When he didn't move, she made her way across the living room and sat at her window. She stared at him a moment longer, until he moved into the livingroom, sitting at the couch and turning on the tv without a single word to her. They stayed that way for hours, her sitting and reading, him watching random shows, without a single word exchanged between them. She couldn't tell if he was angry or not, and she didn't dare test him. It wasn't until the sun had started to set that he got up and walked into the kitchen.

After a few minutes, Helga looked up, a look of disbelief on her face. She smelled coffee… Jason never made the coffee, so she was shocked to say the least, when she made her way to the kitchen and saw two mugs sitting there, steaming. He sat down at the little table and picked up his mug, taking a deep draw from it before setting it down, moving the ceramic mug in a tight circle on the table, swirling its contents. "We need to talk."

Helga sat down opposite him and took the coffee in her hands but not taking a sip. She was nervous and it felt like her throat was closing up; there was no way she could down even a drop of the liquid.

"So, I called Phoebe," Jason said, rubbing his thumb along the rim of the mug. He was quiet and calm, which scared Helga. "She said you were over there…so I guess first I should apologize…"

"Oh," Helga said, startled. She hadn't heard him apologize to her in such a long time, it was shocking to hear. "It's…it's alright I…suppose."

She stood, dumb-founded and dazed, and turned to head to the window, when she felt Jason's hand on her arm. She flinched, expecting pain, and recoiled away from him. However, he touched her gently and gestured back to the chair. "There's something else…"

"What?" She asked, not sure what was coming next.

"It's just," Jason sighed. He took a deep breathe, then spilled his guts rapid fire. "I'm ten years older than you, and we've been married for a while now, and it feels like we're not going anywhere in our relationship any more, and I think we need a change, and Gerald and Phoebe being where they are in their marriage got me thinking…"

"Jason," Helga said, perplexed. "What's wrong? What are you trying to say?"

"Well, I don't know, Helga," He said, withdrawing his hand and pulling his fingers through his hair. "Maybe it's time we take the next step, you know?"

"No," She said in response, brow furrowed, confused. What was he getting at?

"No you don't want to take the next step, or no you don't know what I'm talking about?" Jason said, an edge to his voice like a low rumbling thunder; a warning of a storm. When Helga didn't answer, fearing a fight, he got angry. "Jesus Helga, I'm…I'm trying to talk about maybe starting a family and you're sitting over there not helping at all."

An electric current burst through her body, jolting her heart. She couldn't breathe, nor say anything in response for a solid minute. _Start a family? He's got to be out of his mind!_

"Um," She said, putting her hand on her head, trying to think of what she could possibly say in this situation. Her thoughts raced. Should she tell him? _Oh, yeah, that'd go over well_, _what would I say? _She thought silently. _Hey, Jason, I don't want to have a family with you, ever. Why? Oh maybe because you beat the crap out of me every day and I don't want to raise a kid like me? Or, even better, because I'm in love with someone else, and have been for my entire life, and I've been cheating on you with him for practically our entire marriage!_

"Helga?" Jason's voice snapped her out of her own head, and she looked up at him, startled. "Did you hear me?"

"No, I heard you," She said, looking around the kitchen. Her heart fluttered and her face was warm; she suddenly felt trapped in her own home. "Um, yeah…yeah no, I…I mean…I mean I heard you, yes."

Jason muttered something under his breath that sounded a lot like 'you've got to be kidding me'. He got to his feet and grabbed the two mugs from the table, yanking Helga's straight out of her hand. "Look, I'm just saying Phoebe and Gerald haven't been married nearly as long as we have, and yet they're doing what normal married people do."

"Who says we have to be normal?" Helga said quietly. "I mean, don't you think that's a silly reason to do this?"

"No," Jason said, leaning on the counter and folding his arms. "I don't. Plus, I'm 35 years old. I'm not going to want to do this forever, so if you want kids it's now or never, so you better make up your mind quickly."

"Jason, please," she said, standing up. "This is a really big thing, it's not something I can just decide on the spot like that. I mean, criminy, I haven't even thought about it until just now! It's not exactly high on my list of things to do right now, you know?"

"Yeah well, it's high on my list right now," Jason said, pushing past her and going into the living room. He flopped down on the couch and turned on the t.v. Helga, angry, marched in after him and stood right in front of the television, arms crossed. Jason glared at her. "Move your ass, or I'll move it for you."

"Listen, pal," Helga said, fire burning up her insides. "You can't just spring me with a question like that and then act like I'm the bad guy for not answering right away. I bet you twenty bucks if I did the same thing you'd have a fit over it. If this is so high on your life priorities, why didn't you bring it up until just now, huh?"

Jason stood up, squaring off with her. "Well, you're never exactly around anymore, are you Helga?"

"Oh please," She said, rolling her eyes. "I'm around all the time. I come home from work every night and make you dinner, don't act like I'm never here."

"Yeah okay, we have dinner together, then you run off and do your own thing," He said, waving his hand in the air. "You go to Phoebes, you go get a coffee, you go sit at your stupid little window and write. Either way, we don't spend time together any more, and it's your fault."

"My fault?" She replied, practically screaming. "My fault. Of _course_ it's my fault! Because you put _so _much effort into this relationship! Because you're _such_ a great husband! Don't give me that crap, Jason."

Jason came around the coffee table and got in Helga's face, forcing her to take a step back. "Look, you selfish bitch, you're MY wife! Got that? You AGREED to marry me, and that means you're required to do some things for ME, got that?"

"Oh please," Helga said, taking a step forward, ready and willing to take Jason on. "The same could be said for YOU, Jason! You are MY husband! You owe ME just as much!"

She shoved Jason and he stumbled backwards, shock on his face. "If I don't want to have your kids, there's nothing you can do about it, got that? You've become such a fucking ASSHOLE! I wouldn't bring a kid into this world with you if my life depended on it!"

Jason had had enough. His hand met her face in a hard blow, knocking her off her feet. She fell to the floor with a bang, her hand on her throbbing cheek. She wiped her hand across her lip, staining her shirt with bright red blood. For a split second, she thought about the previous night; she thought about Arnold's hands on her face, in her hair. How softly he touched her, how he rested his head against hers, hands trembling, and said "you can be damn sure someone loves you." He had said it so many times before they fell asleep, constantly telling her he loved her, like he couldn't get enough of it. It was enough to give her the strength to fight back.

She stood up quickly and, without hesitation, in one fluid movement, landed a solid punch to Jason's face. She felt the impact and heard the air-splitting crack that told her she had broken his nose. Jason staggered backwards, hands over his face, screaming a string of profanities. Helga took this chance and ran for the door, but Jason was right behind her. He grabbed her by the back of her shirt and pulled her backwards to the floor. She fell hard and her breathe left her momentarily, just long enough for Jason to gain control. He grabbed her by her blonde hair and dragged her across the now blood-spattered floor.

"You fucking BITCH!" He yelled, blood pouring out of his nose. "I'll get what I want from you, whether you like it or not!"

He grabbed her by her shoulders and yanked her to her feet. She struggled, and he hit her in the head repeatedly. She felt her body betraying her, giving up and becoming limp from the pain and trauma. Jason grabbed her by the neck, forcing her into their bedroom. He pushed her down on their bed and shut the door. He came over to her, kneeling on the bed and started to force the clothes off of his wife. Helga tried to fight back, flailing her arms and legs, trying to do anything to keep him off of her. He slapped her and pinned her hands down with one hand, while the other worked clumsily on the button of her pants.

Filled with panic, Helga did the only thing she could think, and started screaming as loud as she could. Jason stopped instantly and put his free hand over her mouth, trying to stifle her cries. Helga opened her mouth and bit the palm of his hand as hard as she could, feeling her teeth break the flesh. He yelled and ripped his hand away, blood pouring from the gouge. Helga took this opportunity to free her other hand and kicked Jason as hard as she could in the groin. He doubled over in pain and she ran for the door. She had just enough time to grab her bag off the floor before she fled the apartment.

She sprinted down the stairs, skipping two at a time just to get away. She burst out into the nearly empty street. They had been fighting for a long time, and she was unaware that it had gotten so late. She didn't take much time to think about this and started running down the road, just trying wanting to get away. It didn't matter where she went, she just needed to go. After a while, she realized Jason wasn't following her, and she slowed down to catch her breathe. She was covered in blood now; it surprised her that no one had stopped her yet, she must look like a hot mess, not that there were any people walking around this neck of the woods this late at night. She rummaged through her bag, but realized she didn't have her cell phone. She did, however, have a quarter.

She ran over to a payphone and inserted the change, dialing the first number that came to her mind.

"Hello?" Arnold's voice came from the other end. He sounded stressed out, unhappy even.

"Arnold," Helga said, and she realized her voice was shaking, half from fear and half with tears. "It's Helga."

"Hey," He said, anxiety in his voice. "Of course, I know it's you, what's wrong?"

"I need to meet you," she said, tears flowing freely now as she let the past few hours events wash over her. "Now, right now. It can't wait."

"I'm on my way," He said, and she could hear him rummaging around, grabbing a coat and keys. "Where?"

"Somewhere he won't find me." She said, her voice barely audible as she whispered fearfully into the phone, suddenly fearful that Jason may be nearby now.

"I've got the perfect place."


	11. Chapter 11

__Hey all! Sorry i haven't updated in like a billion years...i had finals week and then it was the holidays. Needless to say, busy time! So here is an extra long chapter for you :P

_-A-_

_Just FYI, I ran into your fiancé on the subway. She saw your sculpture in my window, so the story is you gave it to Gerald who gave it to Phoebe. Idk if she talks to either of them, but if she does they may want to be in on this lie too._

That was the message on Arnolds phone. It's too bad he got that message while he was in the shower, trying to burn the morning out of his mind, deciding not to worry until he needed to. And it's also too bad that Lila did, in fact, still talk to Phoebe. And it's too bad that the minute she got off the subway, as she watched Helga walk quickly down the street, phone in hand and texting vigorously, that she decided to drop Phoebe a line.

"Hello?" Phoebe's voice came from the end of the receiver.

"Hello Phoebe, it's Lila," She said in a very transparently sweet tone. "I just had a very interesting conversation with Helga Pataki. She's still your best friend right?"

"Yeah, of course she is," Phoebe replied with confusion in her voice. If they were having this conversation in person, she could have seen the anger in Lila's face, but over the phone, she suspected nothing. "What did you guys talk about, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Oh, that lovely statue in the bookshop window," Lila said, looking at the ring on her finger. "It was really nice of Arnold to give it to her, he was working so hard on it."

"Yeah," Phoebe replied cheerfully. "He was so nice to come drop it off, Helga was so excited, it looks so nice in the window."

"Agreed. Well, that's all I needed, maybe we'll do dinner sometime this week. Goodbye." Lila hung the phone up without waiting for a response from Phoebe and, now fuming, marched down the road to her apartment.

Arnold got out of the shower and pressed his face into the warm towel. _This could get ugly, real fast._

He rubbed down his hair before wrapping his towel around his waist and made his way into his bedroom. He got dressed slowly, his mind elsewhere. Helga was going home to her husband, who clearly suspected her of something…should he talk to Lila now? Should he end it now?

All of a sudden, he felt his heart clench. The thought of breaking up with his solid girlfriend of 8 years was hard to handle, even if he knew he loved Helga. But he loved Lila too, didn't he? Wasn't she the one he wanted to marry? You don't just get married to be married, you do it because you love someone…However, the more he thought about it, the less convinced he was. She had great qualities! Like…like…like what? Sure, she was a nice woman, she was good for someone, but not for him. It was like when they were elementary school, he was so sure he didn't want anything to do with her… at least at first…

This troubled him. Was he the kind of man who only enjoyed the chase? He had been so sure he loved Lila back then when she didn't love him at all. When they went to prom together, he was sure he had won her as a girlfriend and that they would go all the way that night. Yes, she had become his girlfriend, but she refused to sleep with him, and thus he was pursuing a new goal: get Lila in bed. When he got that, he ran out of goals. They had been together for so long, though, he thought this is what it was supposed to be. He was making himself sick, thinking this way. Was it that way with Helga?

The moment Helga slid back into his mind, he knew he had to break up with Lila. Just the thought of her made his heart swell. He wanted her physically, yes, but even after he had that, he wanted more of her. He wanted to make her smile, he wanted to make her happy, and he wanted her to have everything she ever wanted. That's not how he felt about Lila. It was time to end things with her, no matter how hard it would be.

It was at that second, when he finally made his decision, that his phone began vibrating. He looked down and saw it was a call from Lila. _Talk about spooky timing…_ he thought as he picked up the phone. He didn't even have time to say hello before she started in on him.

"What do you think you're doing giving handmade sculptures to Helga Pataki? Hmm? What's the deal, Arnold?" She was practically yelling and Arnold had to hold the phone away from his ear, yet he could still hear her perfectly. He decided to play dumb.

"What?" He said, trying to sound as innocent as possible.

"Oh please, Arnold," She huffed. "Come over to my apartment right now!" and with that the line went dead. Arnold got his phone back to his home screen and noticed he had an unread message from Helga. He read it and sighed, thinking about how his luck couldn't be worse. He walked downstairs, slipping his coat on as he opened the front door.

"Arnold, where are you going?" Grandma asked from the living room.

"Over to Lila's, Grandma, I'll be back later today though," He called to her as he buttoned up.

"Oh, that Lila girl again?" Grandma said, now in the hallway with a basket full of folded laundry. "You should date Helga."

Arnold stopped in his tracks. He had heard her call Helga Eleanor, Helen of Troy, but she never got the name right, not a single time. "Grandma, do you know who you are talking about?"

"Of course I do, Arnold," she said, rolling her eyes. "That girl who stays here all the time in your room. You should just date her already, I like her so much more! She's…unique!"

She turned and headed up the stairs and Arnold went out the door, taking Grandma's words as yet another sign that it was time to change. He dug into his pockets and pulled his headphones out, placing the buds in his ears and shuffling through his music to find something to listen to, something to calm his nerves. Sitting on the bus, watching cars fly by, he mentally prepared himself for the fight of a lifetime. When he made it to her apartment complex, Arnold noticed his hand hesitating over Lila's buzzer. With a deep breath, he rang the bell. A buzz and a click told him the door was open and he made his way to her apartment. He only had to knock once before the door flew open and there stood Lila, hand on her hip, absolutely fuming.

"Care to explain?" she said, gesturing him inside. Arnold stepped over the threshold and stood there, hands in his coat pocket, looking at the floor and not saying a word because Lila wouldn't let him. "You know, this looks pretty bad, Arnold. She's just some girl from high school, and I'm your fiancé! You're supposed to do that kind of stuff for me, not women you barely speak to any more—"

"What makes you think I barely speak to her anymore?" Arnold said quietly, not looking at Lila. She fell silent for a moment, shock on her face.

"What's that supposed to mean, huh?" She said, throwing her hands on her hips again.

"It means that Helga is a good friend of mine," He said, shrugging. "We talk all the time…and we have for years."

"Well," Lila said with a cynical laugh. "This is certainly news to me! So you're going to have secret friends now, is that it? Girls you talk to daily that I don't know about? How do you think that makes me feel, Arnold? I mean, we don't even talk every day. Why is that? "

They hesitated, silent. "Why don't you talk to me every day, Arnold? Why does she get handmade sculptures from you, Arnold? I hope you're not leading her on, she's loved you as long as she's known you, just FYI."

"Because…I don't know," He said sighing. Now he was feeling guilty. "That's just the way it's been for a while now I guess."

"Oh yeah?" she sneered at him. "How long?"

"Since…" he thought back to that night she came into his room, bruised and bleeding. How she showed up that way so many times. How she'd come over in a rage at her father, spilling her guts and letting Arnold know her completely. She was an open book to him, and slowly he was an open book to her as well, and despite the break in their routine when she was first married, he had never been closer to someone. Not even the girl he was supposed to marry. "Jesus, Lila, I don't want to hurt you more than I already have."

Lila looked at him out of the corner of her narrowed eyes. "What do you mean? What's going on?"

With a deep breathe, he let it out. "Helga has been sneaking into my room since the day I asked you to go to prom with me in high school."

Lila stood there, mouth agape, so Arnold went on. "She came to me with her problems, and I let her sleep on my couch… it went on all of high school and into college until she got married… that's when we lost touch, and then you and I got engaged…"

"WHAT THE FUCK, ARNOLD?!" Lila yelled. "You let another woman SLEEP in your ROOM? What the HELL is your problem?!"

"I've got more to say," Arnold said, hand up to hold back her anger. He felt like once he finally started saying it, he couldn't stop. If he stopped, he would never get it out, and Lila deserved to know. "She stopped coming to my room when she was married, at least for a little while. Then she came to me one time, just like she used to… it was the first time she'd done that in years…she was beaten up just like before, and…I couldn't do anything for her, just like before…I didn't do anything for her…she was just so sad and so beautiful like she always has been and…and …I don't know…"

"Arnold, what's going on," Lila said, a mixture of anger, sadness, and fear of what he was going to say filling her voice, causing it to quake. "What do you mean? What are you trying to tell me?"

"Helga and I have been having an affair for the last five years," he said, closing his eyes, a rush of relief and pain washing over him. He opened his eyes to see Lila with her hands over her face, tears streaming from her eyes, shaking her head. He reached out to comfort her, but she slapped his hand away. She turned and headed into the kitchen, her hands on her head, sobbing. She sank down in a kitchen chair, folded her arms and buried her face.

"I'm sorry Lila," Arnold said, tears in his eyes now. How could he have been so terrible? How could he have dragged her along for so long? "I didn't mean for it to end up this way, I didn't want to hurt you."

"You didn't want to hurt me?" Lila said through her tears. "Really? That's a good one, Arnold, really, that's just hilarious."

"I'm serious, Lila," He said, sitting down at the table across from her. "I thought…I just thought that…I don't know what I thought."

"I know what you thought," Lila said viciously. "You thought you could get everything you ever wanted. You'd have a wife who would do everything for you at home, and a bitch on the side you could fuck whenever you wanted."

"NO!" Arnold yelled, on his feet. "That's NOT what I wanted! I thought we were a smart match, that you were the one I wanted because we fit so well together. But I was wrong, we didn't fit well, we've never been a good match, and I didn't realize it."

"Then what now, Arnold? What happens now?" Arnold didn't answer her for a long time, looking down at the table. Lila sighed and asked the question he had been waiting for. "Do you love her?"

"Yeah," he said, and smiled despite himself. It wasn't a happy smile, but a relieved smile. It was as if all his issues were melting away, everything was changing and he was ready for it. "Yeah, I really do."

Lila stood up, pushing her chair back violently. She tugged the engagement ring off her finger and threw it at Arnold. It bounced off his chest and he fumbled to catch it. She grabbed him by the collar of his coat and steered him out to the door, shoving him into the hallway. "You can keep that shitty ring, I don't want it, and I don't want you! I deserve a better man than you!"

And with that, she slammed the door. Arnold stood there and stared at it for a long time with mixed feelings. He had lost the girl he had for eight years; she had been in his life for eight years. He didn't love her, and he hadn't loved her for a long time, but still… that's a long time to be with someone. After all, he planned to marry that girl and be with her forever.

_It's amazing how plans change,_ he thought, shoving his hands into his pockets and heading down the stairs. Lila's last words echoed viciously in his mind. _I deserve a better man than you_. She was right, of course, she deserved better. But was he really all that bad? He would like to think he was a good man, most of the time at least. Everyone makes mistakes…but does this one mistake make him worse than other men? After all, this was a big mistake; huge, in fact. There was no doubt in his mind that Lila deserved a man who would love her properly, but now a new question lingered on his mind: did he deserve better?

Crippling self-doubt consumed him as he walked the streets, his feet eventually leading him to the boarding house. He walked up the stairs, his feet heavy and head aching. He sat down in the living room, tossing his coat, gloves, and scarf right on the floor in front of him. He pulled his keys out of his pocket and tossed them on the little side table next to him, closing his eyes and rubbing his temple.

"Is that you, Shortman?" Grandpa's face came around the corner, looking at his grandson with a furrowed brow. "Something on your mind?"

"Hey Grandpa," Arnold said, dropping his hand and smiling at the old man. "Yeah, I don't know, just a rough night I suppose."

"Well," Grandpa said, taking a seat across from Arnold. He struggled, which only made Arnold feel worse. "How about you tell me about it?"

Arnold told him how he just got back from Lila's, what she had said to him, and all of the doubt he had been feeling about himself. Grandpa listened closely, his hand on his chin; typical grandpa.

"Listen to me, Arnold," he said firmly when Arnold finished. "You are one of the best kids I've ever met. Seriously! I've watched you grow into the young man you are today, and let me tell you, you're just fine."

"But I feel like shit right now," Arnold said, putting an elbow on his knee and his fingers through his hair. "I cheated on my girlfriend for five years, you can't get much lower than that."

"I know, Arnold, I know you feel bad. You did a bad thing, there's no denying that," Grandpa said, and Arnold heaved a sigh. Grandpa leaned over to him, putting a hand on his. "But just because you did a bad thing doesn't mean you're a bad person. You feel sorry for what you've done, I can see that very clearly. And you did the right thing by telling Lila what happened. Maybe you were a little late, but you let her go before it was too late. She will move on with her life, and she will be okay. You will move on, and you will be okay. It'll all work out in the end, I think."

Grandpa smiled, and Arnold felt a little better about the whole thing. He did something horrible, yes, but he was fixing it. Helga was right, he needed to fix things, both with Lila and within himself. He figured out what he wanted, and he took the steps to making things right in the world. He was not a horrible person after all.

Arnold's pocket began vibrating. Standing up, he pulled the phone out of his pocket and noticed it was from an unknown number. Before excusing himself from the room, Arnold gave his grandfather a hug and thanked him for all his help. He went into the hallway and answered the call.

"Hello?"

"Arnold," The all too familiar voice answered him, shaking and scared. "It's Helga."

"Hey," He replied, worried. What could have happened now? "Of course, I know it's you, what's wrong?"

"I need to meet you," she said, her voice thick with tears. It was rare that Helga cried, even when Jason would hit her. Arnold felt his heart seizing up. "Now, right now. It can't wait."

"I'm on my way," He said, rushing to get his coat and keys. Grandpa appeared in the doorway from the living room, looking worried. Arnold looked at him, sharing a look that said this was serious. "Where?"

"Somewhere he won't find me." Helga whispered. Arnold stopped in his tracks. She sounded scared, very scared. She was never scared.

"I've got the perfect place. Meet me at the corner of Vine and 45th."

He hung up the phone, and for a moment looked at his grandfather, speechless. When he found his voice, all he could say was "I've gotta go."

Grandpa nodded and gestured him out the door. Arnold ripped the door open and flew down the stoop, slipping at the bottom, but getting his footing right away and sprinted down the road to the bus stop, forgetting to shut the door completely. It didn't matter. He had to find Helga.

He hailed a cab, and jumped in the back seat, shouting his directions and throwing twenty bucks at the man. When the finally made it to the meeting place he told Helga, he left the car, not waiting for change. Helga was there, but she was sitting on a stoop of an unfamiliar building, hood up and huddled. He walked over to her, slowly, like approaching a scared deer. He stood in front of her for a long time, waiting. Finally, she looked up.

Arnold winced looking at her, then put his hand to his forehead. It was bad this time, really bad. Her hair was matted with blood, her eyes and bridge of her nose were black and blue with blood dripping out of one nostril. Her face was puffy and bruised all over.

"Jesus Helga," He said, taking a step back, trying to control his emotions. "I'm sorry, but we have to do something about this."

"Just get me out of here," she said quietly. They walked in silence for a few blocks when he stopped in front of a dark building. He looked at her, meeting her sad eyes with his. He smiled slightly, and she returned it, putting her hand on his shoulder. He reached up to touch it, but she pulled back wincing. She smirked a little more and showed him her bruised and bloody knuckles.

"It might have been stupid," she said, a little bit of confidence back in her voice. "But I started it this time."

"That's my girl," he said, kissing her gently on the face, avoiding any bruises. He slid the key into the lock and they walked up the dark staircase, floor after floor, until they reached the top. Arnold opened a big warehouse style door and gestured Helga into the dark, empty room. She walked out into the middle.

"Where are we, anyways?" Helga asked, turning on the spot, squinting in the darkness.

"Trust me, you'll like it," Arnold replied with a smirk.

With that, he flipped the light switch and watched as, despite the pain and bruising, Hegla's face broke into a smile.

"Oh, Arnold," She said, putting her hands over her mouth. "I love it."


	12. Chapter 12

_-H-_

Helga followed Arnold blindly up the dark stairwell, letting her mind wander; half numb, half racing, she couldn't help think _what happens next?_

When they finally reached…where ever they were going… she walked into the dark room and allowed the darkness to wash over her. Empty, cold, and vast, this black room was exactly what she needed: a nothingness.

At least that's what she thought she needed.

The minute the lights flipped on, she was surrounded. Her senses were flooded; the colors and shapes, the smell of paint, plaster, and industrial fumes that couldn't be name. Arnold had taken her to his own safe haven, the place where he is safe. _We are in his art studio_.

"Oh, Arnold," She said quietly, turning on the spot. "I…"

But she didn't finish. She walked slowly from canvas to canvas, sculpture to sculpture. Arnold watched her as she passed her fingers lightly over the globules of paint, pressed her hands into the cold stone. What he didn't know is that she was trying to absorb his art. Sight, smell, touch. If art could talk she would listen all day.

"So," he said finally, quietly, and she turned to face him. He had followed her around the entire studio, letting her get her fill. "What do you think."

She smiled softly. "I think they are beautiful, Arnold, just absolutely spectacular. Perfection."

He blushed and shrugged. "well, they are far from perfect, but I appreciate the compliment none the less."

"They are perfect, Arnold," she said fiercely. Why did he have to put himself down like that? "If you made them, I think they are perfect. Got that?"

He laughed. She could see in his eyes that he was less worried about her. She hadn't lost herself this time; she still had some fight left in her, at least enough to keep her sharp tongue and powerful opinions. She got a crazy idea.

"Hey, Arnold," She said, looking around the art studio for what she was looking for. Her eyes scanned the room before they landed on a big black camera. Bingo. "Could you take pictures of me?"

Arnolds eyes widened, "Seriously?"

"Jesus, Arnold," She said with a laugh. "Not like that! I want you to take pictures as proof of what Jason has done to me. It's time for this to end, and I want a solid defense when this happens, alright?"

Arnold nodded and grabbed his camera. He removed the lens cap, circling her, looking at her in a way he never has. He circled her, studied her, looking at all of her cuts and bruises in a new way. Every now and then, he brought the camera up to his eye, snapped a shot, then continued his shark-like surrounding. When he had taken a few dozen photos of her, he lifted the camera to his eye one last time, and hesitated.

"What is it?" Helga asked, looking at the frozen black eye of the lens. Arnold dropped the camera, gazing at her with his head tilted and eyes squinted.

"I was wondering," he said, coming towards her and putting his hand on her face, softly, careful not to hurt her any more tonight. He tilted her face gently, the light beaming down on her warming her cheek. "Could I take maybe…different kinds of pictures?"

"What do you mean?" Helga asked. Arnold showed her the little screen on his camera, flipping through the pictures he had already taken. They were methodical, straight-angled photos documenting her bruising in the most basic way possible. Helga looked at Arnold and smiled, understanding. "You want to do something more artistic, I take it?"

Arnold smiled and shrugged. "Only if it's alright with you. I feel like I could make a pretty powerful series out of your story, you know?"

"I like that idea," Helga replied. Arnold brought out different props; a stool, a sheets of fabric in different colors, a chair, lights, the works. He arranged a few different setups, carefully placing and replacing the fabric. Helga watched him, watching his careful hands, his furrowed brow as he delicately perfected his set. She watched, then unbuttoned her blouse.

By the time he turned to face her, she had her clothes folded neatly on the floor. He froze in his tracks, eyes locked on her face, almost asking permission with his look if he could gaze upon her further. Suddenly, she felt self-conscious. _Maybe this wasn't such a good idea…_

She wrapped her arms around herself, each hand grasping the opposite elbow. She looked down and away. She been naked in front of him before, sure, but it was always in his darkened bedroom. When they first started this secret affair, it was quick: get in, screw like animals, get out. Even when things got more serious, when they would fall asleep in each other's arms, faces close, she would get up quickly, dress in a flash and be on her way before her husband got home. For the first time, he could get a good look at her, flaws and all. And when she felt his eyes finally tear away from her face, she closed her own to fight back the tears associated with a wave of unknown emotion. _Is this really what I want...Damn, talk about a bad time to blush…_

"Well," she said, gaining her voice. She stepped forward, past him, discretely wiping the few tears that managed to squeeze their way out with her arm before sitting on the sheet. "What are we waiting for? Let's do this."

Arnold stood there for a while, camera in hand, finger at the ready. He would bring the camera to his face, then drop it again. Move a little, repeat. Helga began getting antsy. "Something wrong over there, football head?"

He looked up at her with glaring eyes, but a smirk playing on his face. He placed his camera on the stool and one hand on his hip. The other reached up, mussing his golden hair. "I just can't figure out how to photograph someone so beautiful, that's all."

Helga scoffed at him, folding her arms protectively over herself again, bringing her legs up onto the little couch. "Yeah, sure, like I believe you for one minute. You've seen the bruises right? My scars? They aren't exactly…"

The flash of a camera pulled Helga back into reality. Arnold had the camera close to his face. He lowered it slowly. "Yes they are… everything about you is beautiful… can I hear about them?"

"Well, this one," Helga said, turning her back to him and pulling her blonde hair off to the side, exposing the long, shining pink scar across her delicate neck. "This one came from my dad. We were having a camp fire, he punched me, I went down, and landed right on a hot ember." Click.

"These are from Jason," She twisted, exposing her thigh and the four long equidistant skinny red lines running down it. "He got mad, we were eating dinner…he just used what he had." Click.

The more she spoke, the more memories resurfaced. She showed him every scar she could think of, reliving every moment. Finally, finally, after what felt like hours of holding back the pain, thought it was really years, she completely and uncontrollably broke down.


	13. Chapter 13

_-A-_

Through the lens of his camera, Arnold saw years of pain come crashing to the surface. Helga, hunched and grasping her middle, cried, and cried hard. He had seen the few glistening tears, he had heard the wavering voice, but they came and went in a flash usually, wisps of sadness that escaped for a moment before she reeled them back in, forcing them down to the depths of her dark memories. But oh, this was pain. This was so real, he felt himself hurting for her too.

He dropped the camera, letting it clatter to the floor with a bang. It didn't matter right now, nothing mattered but her. He crossed the room quickly, and in what felt like three steps he was there on the couch. It was eerie watching her cry with such a beat up face. The blood mixed with tears, leaving translucent red spots on her chest, knees, thighs, wherever they fell. Her bruised and bloodied face now marked with clean track lines where her own sadness washed away the evidence of her pain. She cried violently, she shook, she buried her face in her hands so he wouldn't see her less than attractive face, though she had to know by now nothing could make her unattractive to him.

He was, for lack of a better word, amazed. _This is the same girl that tormented me through childhood? This is the same girl who claimed to be "as bad as they come"? What happened to this spitfire? Sure, she still has her spunk, she still has her fight, but…_

It was this thought, that someone could break such a tough girl, that made his chest tighten. He finally realized that her badass attitude was fueled by anger, by hate, by the desire to rise above and be better than her past and come out on top. He pictured her for a moment as a pro wrestler, like the ones she used to love, getting the crap beat out of them, then standing up, delivering the final punch, and standing with fists in the air, the victor. But she never got that. She fought, but she never got her victory, she just survived. She crawled out of the ring, done with the round but not with the fight, and she was at her lowest point. She didn't have any anger and hate any more, just the will to survive and get out as whole as possible. This killed him.

He reached over to her, putting his arms under her and pulling her naked and bruised body onto his lap. She buried her face in his neck, wrapping her arms around him and clinging to him hard. He hugged her close to him, one hand on the back of her head, fingers laced in her beautiful hair, sticky with blood. His eyes burned as he held her close and tight. Try as he might, he couldn't hold it back, and he cried with her. It was like that first night, that first time she came to him, her pain caused him so much grief and he felt the same hot sting of tears. But this was different. Then, she was still in the fight. Then, she was down but not out. This time, she needed to tap out.

"I'm so sorry," He said, his voice thick. He rocked her and pet her hair. "I'm so sorry it took me so long, Helga, I'm sorry this happened to you."

She didn't say anything, but continued crying and tightened her grip on him. The entirety of the night washed over him, and he was flooded with thoughts that needed to come out.

"I'm sorry I went to prom with Lila, instead of you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner how I felt. I'm sorry for how confused I was, when it should have been obvious to me what to do. I'm sorry I didn't try to stop you from being with Jason. I'm sorry for those months we didn't see each other when you got married. I'm sorry I was jealous of him. I'm so sorry for finding my comfort in someone I didn't love. I'm sorry for trying to bury how I felt about you. And I'm sorry for never realizing how much you loved me. I'm sorry for taking that for granted. I'm so sorry, I love you so much."

Helga had stopped crying and released him, looking up at him. Her eyes were red from crying so hard, her face mostly clean of her blood which now stained the collar of his shirt. She stared into his eyes with a deep intensity, slightly frowning. He felt stupid all of a sudden, tears still falling down his face. "Can you ever forgive me?"

"Arnold," she said seriously. "I can't forgive you."

That hurt. He felt another wave of tears spill out over his eyes. He leaned forward, putting his head on her shoulder, eyes shut tight. She grabbed his face and pulled him up, forcing him to look her in the eye. "I can't forgive you because there is nothing to forgive. I have never blamed you for anything, you have nothing to be sorry for."

"Yes I do," he said, desperate for her to understand. "I…I let you down, I let you take the abuse and didn't do anything. I could have saved you from pain but I didn't."

"You did exactly what I needed you to do," she said, crying again. "You can't fight my battles for me. But you were on my side, you were there to patch me up. You kept me whole and able to fight, and for that I thank you."

Arnold hugged her close to him, relief spreading over him. "I love you."

"I know you do, and I've known for a while," Helga said, hugging him right back, and she laughed a little. "I was just waiting for you to catch up! I've loved you my whole life, Arnold, did you think I couldn't be patient for just a little longer?"

Arnold looked up and smiled at her, tucking her hair behind her ear. "How did you know?"

"You trusted me, you told me your troubles…you told me about your fears…you trusted me with how you felt about your parents." She said, and he looked seriously at her. "I remember the stories; you were sad about them leaving, you missed them, you became angry at them, you were hopeful to find them, you were depressed when you lost that hope… I heard it all, Arnold. You don't just tell that to anyone. At least I don't think you do."

"No," he said with a laugh. "I certainly do not. I never even told Gerald, or Lila for that matter."

"See?" She said with a smile. She narrowed her eyes at him, smirking. "I knew you loved me."

"Then why did you marry Jason?"

Arnold asked this without thinking, without a filter. She paused, and he instantly wanted to take it back. _Jesus, Arnold, talk about bad timing._ He felt horrible. "I'm sorry, that was a mistake. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Helga said, sighing. "Here's the deal, I'll tell you why I married Jason if you tell me why it took you so long to break up with Lila, deal?"

"Yes," Arnold said instantly. "Yes, that's completely fair."

"I trust you, Arnold," She said seriously. "And you trust me. We both deserve to know why we hurt eachother…and ourselves…so badly."

"I agree, completely."

"I lost faith," Helga said bluntly. "I thought you would never leave Lila. She was perfect, and so were you, and you two were beautiful together just like you were in highschool. You chased her for years, and I thought you would never leave her, even though you trusted me with you biggest secrets. I thought that maybe I needed to let you go.

"Then Jason showed up, and he was the first man in my life that ever expressed any interest in me. I mean, you were honest with me, you trusted me, and you let me spend the night with you, but I had convinced myself at that point that you would never want anything more from me than to be my friend. It's hard to see what lies behind the surface when there is someone clouding your view with sweet words and gentle touches."

Arnold listened to her story and felt horrible again. "You see why I'm so sorry?"

"I understand why you're sorry," she said softly, tenderly. "But that doesn't mean it's warranted, at least not to me. What choice did you have? I recognized early on that you struggled with love."

"What does that mean?" Arnold asked, no hint of anger or frustration in his voice, just an intense curiosity. What did she know about him that he didn't.

"Oh, Arnold, I've been to enough sessions with Dr. Bliss to see what's going on. Lila was easy to date and be with because she was a perfect girlfriend. She did what she was supposed to do, even if that meant without any resemblance of love in her actions. You didn't love her and she didn't love you, you both just acted your part, and it seemed right."

"But why?" Arnold asked, trusting that she knew him better than he knew himself.

"Because you were afraid to feel anything deeper for anyone in case they left you. Why would you—how could you—love someone with all your heart if they had the capacity to one day abandon you like your parents did?"

Bam. Now that one hit him like a ton of bricks. He thought about it for a long time…a very long time. It was easy to be with Lila because he didn't love her. He knew he never loved her as much as he loved Helga, that much was true, but could it be that she never loved him?

He thought back to all the time they spent together. He slowly came to the realization that it was very methotical, every after school special. They were prom date, they were cutest couple, they went to college together, got engaged, did everything they were supposed to do but without an ounce of love. Even when they had sex, as infrequent as it was, Arnold always felt a sense of doubt and unease, it was too easy and it was too "by the book". Everything was methodical.

Everything with Helga was passion. From day one, from the day they met, everything she did was filled with emotion and heart and had such a drive behind it…she blew him away. When he was with her, he was allowed to have the feelings, to let himself be angry or sad or completely elated, at least for a brief moment before heading back to his humdrum but easy life with Lila.

And sex with Helga…well, to say the very least, it was something else.

"So, are you going to tell me why you dated Lila for so long?" Helga asked with a smile on her face.

"I would," Arnold said, then he laughed. "But you just said it for me! I always thought being with her was so easy, it just worked without any effort. I just never really had any way to explain why I wanted that. Why I wanted something that required no effort and no feeling until now."

"I hope I wasn't too…assuming," Helga said, calmly. "I don't want to put ideas into your head, or make you believe what I think…"

"That's the crazy thing," Arnold said. "You didn't. You just captured it in words I couldn't find on my own."

They sat together for a couple of minutes, just holding each other, kissing, hugging, and exchanging words of love. It was beautiful and it was an escape from reality, but after a while, they realized they needed to handle their lives. Helga kissed him on the forehead, then stood up, gathering her strewn clothes. Arnold watched as she dressed in the light of his studio. She turned around, holding her hand out to him. "Well, what do you think, Arnold?"

He took her hand with a sigh, lacing his fingers with hers. "I'm thinking we are both seriously messed up people. I also think I never want to leave this studio," Helga smiled and kissed him softly on the lips. When she pulled away, he pulled her hand up to his face, kissing the back of it, letting his lips linger for a long time. "I also think we have a long way to go."


	14. Chapter 14

_-H-_

The sun poured in through the huge windows of Arnold's studio, washing over the two bodies asleep on the prop mattress on the floor. The white sheet, wrinkled and twisted, was damp with perspiration both from the morning heat and the previous night's activities.

She was sore, and she realized this as she sat up in the yellow heat. Her body ached from her ruthless beating, both the one she received and the one she gave to Jason. She looked down at Arnold, asleep on his back, arm outstretched with creased pink flesh from her now absent weight that had pressed on the loving arm all night long. She smiled and felt the dull thumping, throbbing pain of the all too familiar black eyes. Her head spun, half from the jarring blows of Jason, half from the giddy vertigo that goes hand-in-hand with a night of passion. She felt bruised and beaten, she felt hurt, but looking at the boy next to her she inexplicably felt better than she ever had.

Arnold stirred. In his half sleep state, his hand opened and closed, grasping the air for Helga, dreaming and wondering where she had gone. Helga reached out, grabbing his hand and putting it on her face. His smiled in his sleep, heaved a peaceful sigh, and opened his eyes slowly. His thumb caressed her cheek and she closed her eyes, holding his hand to her. He sat up and kissed her lips with a hungry love, a kiss that thanked her endlessly for what she had given him, yet also begging for more.

"I don't know if you realize this," Helga said as Arnold sat up, stretching, the sheets bundled about his waist. "But not only is this the first time we've slept together since we admitted how we felt, but it's also the first time we've slept together without worrying about anyone finding out."

"Oh, don't think that slipped my mind," Arnold said, kissing her again. "Maybe that's why it felt so good this time."

Helga laughed and shoved him lightly. "What? It wasn't good every other time?"

"You know what I mean," Arnold said with a laugh. And she did, she knew exactly what he meant. Every other time was indeed incredible, but as soon as they were sufficiently pleased the blissfulness instantly popped. They immediately dressed, and she snuck away, as if it never happened. There was no whispering in the dark, no sexy, sweet words, no holding, no kissing, no nothing. They were together, then they were apart. This time, they had it all. They had everything that perfect sex required and then some. Helga watched Arnold stand up and, still naked, cross to his private counter where his coffee maker sat. Soon the studio was filled with the warm aroma. He poured two steaming mugs and came back to her, and they sat together watching the sun rise boldly and bravely over the square buildings though his massive windows, illuminating the sparse snow that dusted the rooftops and sending the skyline into a fiery show. _This has to be a dream._

"What time do your students start arriving? Helga asked, running a finger around the edge of the paint smeared mug. "You know, just in case."

"Don't worry," Arnold said, hugging her with the one arm wrapped around her shoulders. "Not until the evening, we've got all day."

And so they did. It was a blissful and much needed day away from reality, made that much better because it was spent with Arnold. They listened to music, comparing artists and styles. Helga told him about the books she was working on, Arnold told stories about his students and the projects they were working on. It was amazing, they used to talk all the time about the little things back in college. Helga remembered days in the park walking aimlessly with Arnold, Gerald, and Pheebs, enjoying light conversation and late night dinners. She remembered endless nights at Arnolds, enjoying meals with his family, talking about life plans and future dreams. She remembered the tension that hung in the air when she would come over after a fight with her dad, and yet they still talked about the light stuff. The only thing that could have been better is if they could have these conversations without the weight of something more sinister looming overhead. It was hard to ignore her appearance and she knew it; she could see the looks of pain flit across Arnold's face before he expertly smothered them, trying his damnedest to keep this day happy for both of their sakes. God knows they needed it.

Regardless, it seemed so long ago that they had a conversation like this where they could talk about anything other than Jason's abuse or Lila's attempts to passively aggressively manipulate Arnold; both of their lives had been so hectic and…involved lately, there was little room for relaxation and happy topics. Helga had almost forgotten that such things existed in the world. Despite the new dimension to her and Arnold's relationship, there was a lot of sadness and darkness that needed to be overcome before they could be truly happy.

And yet, she still loved this moment, and for the first time in a long time she felt honest and true happiness, and a sense of ease washed over her like she had never felt before. _If this is what life with Arnold will be like, I am not complaining_…_ especially if this added bonus of being naked all day becomes a regular thing._

Helga couldn't remember such a great day. That was until noon rolled around, and Arnold told her he would have a class in an hour.

"Damn," she said, standing up and collecting her belongings. "Wish this day would never end, it's amazing up here."

"Yeah no kidding," he answered, pulling on his jeans and buckling his belt. "It's too bad every day can't be like this."

They were dressed, and Arnold walked her down the stairs. When they were on the street, they faced each other. Now came the hard part. Helga sighed. "So what should we do? Or more specifically, what should I do?"

"Is there anyone you can trust to keep you safe?" Arnold asked.

_Yeah_, Helga thought_¸ but I'm staring right at him._ "Everyone I know Jason knows too, he could easily catch up to me at Phoebe and Gerald's place… he knows where my parents live, not like I'd want to go there…"

"I would say go to the boarding house, but I don't think you'd want a run-in with Lila, which is very likely to happen... we've got a lot to sort out in the next few days and she's left a ton of stuff over there that she's bound to want back."

Helga nodded, and while she desperately wanted to wait at Arnold's, her most frequented place of refuge, she knew as well as he did that right now it would be more of a death trap than a safe haven.

It was at that point that Arnold got a look on his face; a wide-eyed look that suggested a plan. Curious, Helga narrowed her eyes at him. "What exactly are you thinking over there, smart guy?"

"Well," Arnold started, looking uncomfortable. He took Helga's hands in his, brought them to his face and kissed them gently. "Doesn't…doesn't Olga live near by?"


End file.
